Blogus Innominata

About Mint Chocolates and Togetherness

2011-12-29T01:44:00.002+05:30

As I return from a particularly pleasant watching of One Day with a friend, and I remember the chat last night (with another friend) about the meaning of love, few thoughts breeze through my mind.

I just love the screenplay of the movie. Even after the protagonist's death is revealed, we see the scene where playfulness and naive experiences of Dexter and Emma brighten our mood. As if we are not slaves of time anymore.As if we have our memories, always with us, and we will find bliss, no matter what,by remembering them, cherishing them, long after the actual person is dead and gone. Somehow reminds me of the Dylan Thomas poem.

And the last scene, where Dexter's daughter tells him, "You know what you are.", resonates of the final realisation that we must find peace and redemption within our own self, our very heart.

I doubt what people really mean when they say, I Love You! Do they really know what they are feeling? An honest answer would be - I like this moment of togetherness! I like 'us'!

And besides, the temporary nature of love need not make it inferior. In fact, it turns it in to something infinitely more precious and treasured!

Atonement

2011-12-05T04:48:00.001+05:30

Amidst my hands,
your innocent eyes,
hiding between strands of hair,
dark as the night around us,
carefully discovered.

And as I look on
my reflection in
your hope-drenched eyes,
dark as the darkness within me,
forever atoned.

(Inspired by a conversation where I told someone that we somehow should try to know others in order to understand who we are, in a way, by seeing our reflections in them.)

Gossamer Hopes

2011-11-13T20:33:00.001+05:30

There will be difficult times. I knew this. And when we are entangled in the cold mist of doubt and indifference, I will be there for you. Even if you don't deserve it. I will assume the songs you wrote, long before we met, are for me. I will forget the missed calls as your work pressure. The lonely dinners, absent kisses and empty glasses, all disregarded. Because I have a dream, I have some hopes. I will gather up your actions as innocent mischief, I will wrap them in a rope made of sighs, and will lock them in the bottom drawer. And I will smile, yes, smile for you.

(As I flick through Readers' Digest, I come across an article on space travel. Thirty-five years of dream and ambition based on a female terrier's sacrifice. 1957, Sputnik 2, Laika, the first animal to survive space travel for six days and to induce a million aspiration among the mankind to conquer the universe.
P.S. It was revealed in 2002 that Laika had actually died only a few hours after the launch. However unfortunate her end might be, she inspired so much and in such style that her death becomes just an eventuality in her memorable life. Sometimes, hopes are more important than truth. Russians knew it.)

The drawer is locked now. The wooden table has our initials engraved with a knife. Remember those times? I think I had cut my finger that day, the knife was sharp you see. But now there is no pain, just the scar remains. Equally indistinct and fuzzy, as the letters on the table.

Some hopes need hand holding, some need a shoulder to lean on. And tonight, I don't mind offering mine.

Copenhagen, This Most Precious Meanwhile

2011-10-17T23:39:00.001+05:30

"Before we can lay our hands on anything, our life's over.
Before we can glimpse who and what we are, we're gone and laid to dust.
Settles among all the dust we raised.
And sooner or later there will come a time when all our children are laid to dust. And all our children's children.
When no more decisions, great or small, are ever made again. When there's no more uncertainty, 'cause there is no more knowledge.
And when all our eyes are closed, when even the ghosts have gone, what'd be left of our beloved world; our ruined and dishonored, and beloved world?
But in the meanwhile, in this most precious meanwhile, there it is. Our children, and our children's children, preserved, just possibly, by that one short moment in Copenhagen. By some event that will never quite be located or defined, by that final core of uncertainty at the heart of things..."

- Last few lines from the play Copenhagen (by Michael Frayn)

Sometimes a two hour long play makes you stop everything that you are doing and think about it for days to come. Sometimes a few lines of poignant words makes you scribble a thousand emotions. Sometimes, unintended and spontaneously, you realize that you are human. In a metro with its clockwork life, I am glad that I chose to spend one evening watching Copenhagen.

The play starts with ghosts of Bohr, Heisenberg and Magrethe (Bohr's wife) trying to recollect why did Heisenberg visit Bohr's home at Copenhagen in 1941. And the story unfolds as they go on discussing different possibilities and drafts.

When Bohr made great strides in quantum mechanics, he went to Germany for a lecture just after first world war - a great gesture, when the whole world was shunning germany. At that fateful lecture, a young guy stood up and said, "Bohr, your mathematics is all wrong!" Bohr got interested in that guy, Heisenberg. They went for a walk. "And when they walk, they talk." Bohr took him under his guidance and they worked together, in Bohr Institute at Copenhagen for many years.

Now, situation has changed. German tanks have reached Moscow, and Bohr is a half- jew. And Heisenberg is leading german nuclear program while Bohr remains the spiritual godfather for all things nuclear.

We get to see an interesting mixture of revival of old friendship with invisible barriers of contemporary anti-Semitic issues, the paranoia of World War II Nazi hate, and above all, how as people change in crisis situations, they still remain the same, deep down within. This becomes all the more clear when we learn how Bohr, albeit unknowingly, and subconsciously, performed the last greatest act of friendship for Heisenberg, to leave him misunderstood. (So profound! Because in uncertainty, there is hope.) Our feelings, our emotions, be it love, friendship, respect, or even hatred; are woven around us and within us, just too tightly. And as the war changes skylines, horizons, walls and maps, at least there is something that remains the same...

Having awed us with that, the play moves on, ending with the lines about "This Precious Meanwhile" and how we must treasure it. I guess we will never really know what the meeting really was about. What is more important is that it actually happened. That there were people willing to "think" about our world, our precious little beloved world.

Listening to past scientists discussing in so much detail about morality and meanings makes me think about the researchers of today. Don't you think, as the mankind ages on, scientists become more and more one-dimensional? No wonder, in the middle ages, father of modern philosophy was the same person as the father of modern mathematics (Rene Descartes). And now a mathematician may not understand what philosophy is. But then, we can't blame them. As any field becomes more and more specialised, the pioneers in those field become more and more flattened and conforming...

The play starts with one question, "Why did Heisenberg come to Copenhagen?" And in the brilliant facade of answering it, the play makes us ask ourselves a hundred others. In the end, we still don't have answer to the first, but we are mesmerized by the hidden questions and the waves of thought that washed our feet. In the end, we are in awe.

Later on, a friend who wants to write about the play, asks me how should she start. And I tell her; the end is where we begin...

Diary, by an Immortal

2011-10-09T03:07:00.000+05:30

Hundreds of years later, a sandwich still tastes the same. The feelings however, are completely different. And as I slowly finish my food, pretending to listen what she is saying; the memories of a thousand similar evenings breeze through my subconscious.

Should I be mad about things not understood, when I didn't say it in the first place? Should I hold her hand and say it's alright when I know it's not? Sometimes I feel, all these years and a treasure of interesting conversations, have only made me more wooden, lifeless. Because when they end, (and trust me, they always do,) a part of me burns and dies.

Initially it felt so rosy! A limitless life. Knowledge. Experience. Opportunity. I felt like a bird, flying.
But Love? Surprises? A warm embrace of hands around my eyes? I was so stupid...

I look beyond her innocent eyes, questioning myself whether I should walk out of the restaurant, realizing the futility of this exercise.

A never-ending life is not always an easy one. It teaches you the fragility of hope and crushes your wine coloured dreams. But it also makes you realise the beauty of moments, of things that won't be there tomorrow. I dive deep in to my eternal doubt, like always. And I realise, it's my feelings that still taste the same. Sandwiches have become a lot more hygienic.

But today, I want to live these fleeting instances, of sighs, smiles, and shy mumblings. I let her order two more rounds of servings. Today, I want to stretch these minutes into something meaningful. Today, I want things to be different.

Rapture in Imperfection

2011-09-10T21:49:00.002+05:30

I like it here, with you,
in spite of our misadventures;
roads not taken, unused tickets,
and silent glances not understood.

I like it here, with you,
these few moments of warmth;
and as you sleep over my shoulder
some of it stolen secretly, lost.

I like it here, with you
because of our misadventures;
broken smiles carefully ignored,
and finding rapture in imperfection.

--------------------------------------------

"Bad art is more tragically beautiful than good art because it documents human failure."
— Tristan Reveur

--------------------------------------------

Touch My Scars

2011-08-22T15:40:00.004+05:30

We talk,
over queer smell of coffee,
under dark sky of clouds,
when it rains...

We discuss,
the new play in the town,
the cozy sofa of a bookshop,
the wooden panels...

You tell me,
your crazy drunk adventures,
your dreams and aspirations,
to break the chains...

I tell you,
about Tolstoy and Fitzgerald,
about Reggae and Chamber music,
smiles and heartbeats

One may think,
the walls have melted,
distance disappeared,
naïve dreams...

But you don't see,
dry vines in my garden,
my withered dead flowers,
cries and aches...

To know me,
you must know what I am not,
you must see how I fail,
touch my scars

Then you'll feel,
the walls have really melted,
distance disappeared,
and we're in Love...

Foreplay

2011-08-18T03:41:00.000+05:30

"...Just go out there and get your heart broken in. So it'll be ready when you really need it."

(The last issue of Y : The Last Man)

Unsaid

2011-08-07T22:51:00.004+05:30

Going through my journal,
secretly,
while I look away,
(or pretend doing so),
You ask me,
Why my every song,
Is about you?

After you're gone,
And your smell too,
I scribble,
On the last page,
Why my every song,
and my every dream,
Is about us...

Small Things

2011-07-18T15:45:00.000+05:30

Arrivals section of Mumbai Airport. Rain and Thunderstorm outside. The water droplets combining with the wind and the resulting jet guiding itself through the gap in the roof above, pushing the crowd inwards, towards the door. I was waiting to receive a friend. Flight was scheduled to land at 9.30pm. It is half past midnight now. I have been waiting since three hours, my eyes fixed on the big exit door. Passengers returning from Dubai, all carrying big 50 inch LCD TVs. A group of students from US, with backpacks and headphones. An old Chinese couple, in white jump-suit and minimal luggage. My eyes are tired now. Boredom and nothingness... some would call it ennui. And then my cellphone beeps. The message reads, "I have landed. Still waiting for my luggage." It sounds sweeter than entire Wordsworth and Keats combined. Oh, the beauty.

------–-------------------------------------------

Both fists crossed together. Elbows straight. Full force on sternum to apply a good compression on heart. I was doing CPR. He has been dead since one hour. His wife, with eyes full of teardrops, is waiting outside, for an answer she doesn't want to know. And I, after all these years in this hospital, can't gather the courage to tell her the truth. A friend has been texting me for dinner. She is waiting. I don't know what to reply. I'm standing besides a dead patient, hoping for a miracle.

Waiting is of many colours. It can be the scary absolution for a husbands death, it can be the innocent wish to spend some time talking at a restaurant. I start comparing two, and I continue the chest compressions. It all seems a blur, how my senior explains death to the relatives, and I fill the death certificate. It's 1.30 in morning now, and we get to have our dinner together. I'm absent-mindedly looking in to her chocolate milkshake, and suddenly it dawns on me. My wait for some miracle to happen was the idiotic of all. I continue to stare in to the brown milkshake, attempting to find peace. It's better now, the relatives have accepted the inevitable, and I am progressing toward the acceptance of the life I have chosen... It feels like heaven.

---------------------------------------------------

We are early for the movie. We stand up for the national anthem. Instead of the usual fluttering national flag, the screen shows a young child running, to join her friends for school prayer. And they start singing, with hand signs... a school for special children. 56 seconds of awe. It's over now, and I turn right to see my senior, a tough guy, wiping his eyes. I sink deep in to my seat, and close my eyes.

I heard someone saying once - You can't compare a thousand soldiers dying in a war to a little girl's dress getting torn, judging which is more sad and painful. I understand it now.

Fragile Moments, Weary Heart

2011-06-23T18:00:00.001+05:30

"...I would rather recollect a life misspent on fragile things than spent avoiding moral debt."- Neil Gaiman

It was 1992, when my mum, a teacher, thought it fit to get me in to a school, after homeschooling me in my kindergarten days. In fact in the village I grew up, people didn't know what preschool is. We used to spend our days roaming in a big Mango plantation, finding dead snakes in the river bank nearby or playing cricket with bats made of coconut trees. And at the start of every month, dad would bring a fresh copy of Chandamama. It was a religious experience - the smell of unopened pages and the secrets they held. I started reading just before I was three, and there in, formed a liking to read that is growing strong till this day and will probably continue forever. In the evening there would be no electricity - they called it "power-cuts", measures to triage and divide a limited amount of power to a large number of villages. We would sit together with a lantern burning. (This experience will help me enjoy my time seven years later, when, after being adapted to city life, we were suddenly forced to live without electricity or telephone lines for months and months, when the supercyclone hit us in 1999.) Some old guy would tell us a story from Hindu Mythology. I would draw Ravana (the prime antagonist in Ramayana) on our clay veranda, and his ten heads would continue to stretch across the road in front of our cottage.

Yes, it was 1992 and I went to my first school. I don't remember what we were taught, I mostly knew everything anyways, thanks to my mum. I remember the lunch breaks though. We would wait for "koli-wala" to come on his old bicycle, with basket full of pickled berries. You could get a handful for just 5 paisa. That's when I first met her. Let me rephrase that. In a Gandhian school in 1992, with your mother as a teacher in it, you don't meet girls. The boys and girls have their separate groups, play separate games and find new reasons to fight with each other. I guese Freud would have something to say about that. The only activity we do together is Raksha Bandhan. Yes, it was a lunch break when I first saw her. I was a papmered stocky kid. She was tall, thin and fair. She smiled. I didn't know what to do. I thought about her evey night, with the dying glow of lantern flame. I never talked to her, partly because I didn't have the courage, partly because I didn't think it was necessary. When you are five years old you don't have the greed to possess the things you love just for yourself. And suddenly one day, she didn't turn up for school. And the next day too, she was nowhere to be seen. Many years afterwards, my Mum would tell me that she had a congenital heart disease, and she died that night. That's how my first love story ended, and my eternal heart ache began...

We moved to an urban area few years later, and I earned a scholarship to a good residential school. I met new people, I met the new myself. Gradually the morning Vaishanava Janato and Vande Mataram of All India Road would change to Air Supply and Pink Floyd on my walkman. I had interesting run-ins, in its most broadest sense. It all seems like a blur now - the seven years quickly ended, and before I know it, I was standing dead-drenched with rain in a July morning at Dadar station, all set to study Medicine in Mumbai.

I remember the eucalyptus scent they used to dampen the smell of cadavers, the girl who almost fainted on my arms, the exchange of cadbury chocolates and midnight sms conversations that ran in to the next morning.

I got to experience a myriad of emotions and experiences. Silent uncomfortable walks down the stairs, complaining and accusing glances of her eyes, the embarassing smile after a kiss in a taxi. You can't really forget a moment when someone whispers in your ears a poem that she has written for you. You don't really care how many people are looking when you want to kiss someone in Phoenix Mills while the rain slowly makes through your clothes and touches your skin. And of course there were heartbreaks, someone leaving me or I leaving someone. But mostly it was Love leaving both of us.

Books and movies would tell you about eternal love and pairs made in heaven. I'm not saying that it's all false. But life's too short, and I would rather meet more people and love them than sit in a corner waiting for the right one. To have someone permanently for your entire life may sound convenient, but then comes the realisation that in this life everything is temporary.

I try to make the best of what I have today. Sometimes I fail miserably, sometimes I feel a quantum of joy. But in the end, they all add to the treasure of emotions I experience.

So, when it's 2 am in the morning, and she messages me "What we want is different. What we are looking for is different.", I smile, and I understand...

I, Prometheus

2011-06-18T00:23:00.001+05:30

Pain, I loved you
Before time was called time
Before I was bound with chains
Before Love was called Love

Pain, I saw you
Once a hungry eagle
Once a dead desert
Now as her, indifferent

And I understand
Long artificial pauses
Beeps of answering machine
And her new excuses

And I admire
How you've grown
How you've found
Love, the coldest weapon

Pain, you'd understand
If I envy Icarus
Compared to my daily deaths
His fall, so convenient

So please, don't let me dream
Her innocent smile
Her gentle nudge
And the inevitable wake-up

Please, don't let the eagle go
Back home, to rest,
And to make me hope
For a better tomorrow

So please, feast non-stop, endless
Liver of prometheus
'Cause it's better than
Killing of my hopes...

Status Quo

2011-06-02T00:13:00.003+05:30

Sunset is the cruelest moment of the day...
May be it's always hard to say goodbye.
But it's not the same everyday.

As I walk through the crowded footpath, struggling to concentrate manoeuvring through the swarm, I see a man in his forties, a roadside peanut-seller, packing his stuff. I look at his eyes. I don't see the usual picture of satisfaction for a day well spent. Nor did I observe a sad, tired state. His eyes are different - calm, emotion-less, still... as if silently acknowledging the ending of one more uneventful day; not wishing for any pleasant moments, not daring enough to chance a rough adventure...a state of stoic nothingness... and a desperate attempt to survive with that...

I stumble and fall. I hate Mumbai footpaths.

There is a bench nearby. I sit down to relieve the pain. The sun has set by now. The peanut-seller has gone. It'll still take many hours for the stars to appear. It's a state of nothingness now.

I open her text message and start reading it again. "...Just let the things be the way they are..."

Sunset is the cruelest moment of the day. It IS always hard to say goodbye. But it's not the same everyday.
And Status Quo means different in different situations. Sometimes it's the wait before the stars come; sometimes it's the requiem for a dream that died...

Paradise

2010-10-18T00:01:00.106+05:30

This is a message picked up by a college student while trying to experiment with a Radiofrequency receiver on a boring saturday. After the transcribing machine printed it out, he glanced over it and smiled wryly, thinking of it as a sophisticated prank by some smart batchmate of his, and he threw it in dustbin casually. Before the morning garbageman could shred it into pieces, the paper was discovered by someone, and that's how you get to read it now.

"There is a theory that no intelligent civilization will discover another one, because by the time they develop sufficiently advanced space travel technologies to go far and wide in deep space, they will also produce sufficiently advanced weapon technologies to destroy themselves.

Do I agree?
Well, Yes and No.

I am sure, by the time anyone is able to transcode it and understand, I will be long dead. I stress on "translate" because all my people are dead. And by the way, my fusion drive is running out of Deuterium.

But i have a truth to share. And I will.

The name of my planet doesn't matter. Perhaps it won't mean anything to you if I spell it in my native language. It means "A combination of land and water", which is very much what it exactly is. My country, "Between latitude 13 degree N to 43 degree N" and my province "400 km northwest from capital". You get the idea how our naming system works.

All this is irrelevant, as my planet is now lifeless. Apocalypse, although not as dramatic as one would imagine.

I have a fear, a feeling not so common among my people, that I will be forgotten as my planet is dead and gone now. And to address that concern, I plan to tell the history of my planet, the planet of "A combination of land and water".

But the low oxygen level in my spaceship will force me to narrate random facts instead of writing a full fledged memoir.

I was fortunate enough to inherit enough property that I could spent most of my life reading and thinking. We have books on science, mathematics, autobiographies etc; I finished almost all. I learnt about other civilizations having huge battles, a concept not familiar to us. we don't have fights in our civilization. We don't know why it's needed.

I developed a particular interest for journals of space pilots and I discovered how our civilization was different from ours. For example, we don't have schools, colleges or education systems. Our children learn by themselves, libraries are there to help. We don't have long term relationships, we can't get it to work. You see, when we feel hatred, we express it. If I am sitting next to my partner and she says that the sky is lovely this evening, I don't always agree. I judge the color of the sky, compare it with my previous observations and announce my opinion.

If I am exchanging something in the market (we don't have a currency system) and I ask whether the produce is fresh or whether the precious stone is original, the other party truthfully admits that it's not. I think that's why we never really developed any real economic system.

I am hyperventilating now. So I'll jump straight to the end. You basically get the idea. Our planet was based on truth and simplicity. We had sufficiently advanced space travel, but very few had the desire for adventure.Those who did explore, discovered creatures that called themselves "humans" a while ago. That time was critical. Almost 70% of our population was peacefully dying after learning the ultimate truth about the futility of life. Rest of them vanished in "The Last War", which was fought without any reason or provocation. I have two theories. Either it is because we had no fear, an emotion so prevalent in other civilizations - a great protective feeling that prevents many more wars than it creates; or probably it was an outburst of a long supressed pent-up aggression in my society - a practical joke towards all the years of truth and simplicity.

Very few of us went through the journals of space pilots to know about the Paradise, and when the "end" began, we pointed our spaceships towards it.

The humans call it "Earth". I have heard it's a splendid place where people know how to suppress truth, where people know how to lie. It's a place where people have desires, fears and ambitions.
In this paradise, they tell their kids on dusty summer evenings about how wonderful the weather is, in this paradise, one lies to his loved one in the middle of night about how wonderful she looks. In this paradise, humans lie to themselves about the inevitability of Death.

And that's what makes it a Paradise."

Dreams

2010-10-11T00:01:00.014+05:30

Somehow, Inception reminds me of Neuromancer.

Telephone

2010-10-04T00:01:00.001+05:30

I hate telephones. Particularly when its 5am in a January morning.

I decide to let it ring. I turn in my bed and try to cover my ears with pillows. Then I discover that pillows can conduct soundwaves. I give up my clearly failing attempt.

The phone continues to ring. I get up from my bed and walk towards the phone. It stops ringing. Damn.
I spend five minutes deciding whether I should make my breakfast or go out. I turn on the coffee machine, and then, I turn it off. I grab my overcoat and lock the front door.

It’s snowing. I find a cafe which is miraculously open so early. I grab burger and coffee. The owner is friendly. She smiles at me, “Are you surprised I am open this early?”
I guess what she wants to hear. I nod gently.

“Today is 7th January. Twenty years ago I met my husband on a winter morning here. I was cleaning up the kitchen and he barged in. It was snowing heavily outside and he had to find some shelter. You see, it was his first day in this city. It was love at first sight....” She continues on.

I don’t know at what point I have stopped listening, but her voice seems muffled now, may be because I normally don’t get up at 5am.

I am floating over an interstate highway. I realise very well that normal human beings don’t float or glide or fly, but that doesn’t stop me from floating. I look around. The roads are strangely empty. So is the landscape. I look forward and I see heavy duty power cables running along the road. I remember the optical illusion they used to tell us at school. When you look into the distance it seems the power cables are coming close together. It seems they’ll join with each other. But as you move forward, you realise that the gap still remains.

I wake up. The cafe owner is describing her life to me. I try to look attentive.
“And after he died, I decided I will remember the day we met by opening this cafe early on January 7th. People do strange things for love, don’t they?” She asks.
I smile at her and walk towards the door.

The snowing has stopped. I reach home and turn on the TV. NatGeo is running a program on the Taj Mahal. The anchor is describing how it is the greatest monument of love in the whole world.

Suddenly I feel an urge to remove an old box from the attic. Wrapped in a dust covered cloth I find it. A twenty year old ticket stub of a Bollywood movie. The only movie we watched together. We were young then. I turn off the TV and close my eyes. And I start to appreciate the illusion of power cables meeting each other.

I am interrupted by a loud sound. The phone is ringing again.

I hate telephones.

Lament of the Language

2010-09-27T00:01:00.002+05:30

I passed through many stages. Thousands of years ago I was created out of necessity. Things changed and I became much more. I was a part of many masterpieces. I made people fall in love. I enlightened everyone by spreading knowledge.

Through all these years, I have had many lovers. In the past, they used to really love me. They would decorate me with beautiful ornaments, they would make the best of me come out and shine. Now, my true lovers are very few. Many just pretend, and use me for their petty motives. They make me fight among my sisters. My true lovers see me bleeding, but they can't help me.

It's not my ambition to win. I'm just a pawn in their battle. And even if I was to win, I would like to do it the way it has happened in past.

I don't want to win by being on every sign-board, I don't want to win by being coerced on to every human being, I don't want to win by fights in street. I want to win by my sheer beauty, by my creations, by works of my true lovers.

I'm language. And this is my story.

Arguments

2010-09-20T00:01:00.006+05:30

If everyone in this world agreed on same thing we wouldn’t have seven wonders, a hundred genre of music, varied forms of art and so many different kinds of chocolates.

So next time you have an argument, you can smile a bit about it. :-)

3 : Graphic Novels

2010-09-13T00:01:00.011+05:30

OK, people who do not consider comic books and graphic novels as mature literary mediums, please close your internet browser. :-) For the rest of us, here are three great pieces of work to enjoy.

The Sandman by Neil Gaiman

Excellent combination of fantasy, mythology and superhero elements, with shades of romantic ideas and the inevitable tragic undertone... this is a masterpiece. 75 issues of good reading plus the additional works based around it, this is the essential reading for any person to claim himself as comic book lover. Neil Gaiman is a brilliant storyteller, and it indeed is his best creation.

Watchmen by Alan Moore

When the whole world was reading superhero-praising comic books, this brought in the reverse concept. “Who watches the Watchmen?” Beautiful portrayal of anarchy, chaos, personal defects and ideal ambitions. With unforgettable characters like Rorschach, the Comedian... it's a must read.

V for Vendetta by Alan Moore

And while talking about anarchy, who can forget V for Vendetta? Hard-hitting criticism of autocratic government with enough tension and mystery to suck the reader deep in to it, this is a book to be finished at one go. And perhaps the best ending ever in all comic books I have read – powerful, tragic and yet inspiring. Genius.

Carpets

2010-09-04T10:47:00.000+05:30

Luxury sedan
and a dab of perfume
Sugar-coated lies
and that smile of you

Extremely well-hidden
Lipstick marks
Perhaps even more hidden
The warmth of your heart

Somewhere among the
Imported carpets
Star-gazing realists
Have lost their innocence

Twister

2010-07-06T02:24:00.000+05:30

2.19 am ... Hindmata Flyover... pouring rain... and suddenly life is a little less boring...

Loving my new bike...

Residency in Ortho

2010-06-25T20:51:00.000+05:30

Paper soap, Vitamin tablets, Sleepless weeks.
And somewhere intertwined among these - a desire to scale the mountain.
A hope. A belief. And that's all that matters...

The Ladder of Happiness : Part 2

2010-05-31T00:01:00.023+05:30

Finding Your Own War

If you take a cross-section of doctors doing well in private practice, you'll hardly see any particular pattern based on their college or institution. I guess it depends more on their individual abilities than the college they went to. I am discussing this because I'm seeing more and more undergraduates giving unnecessary attention to which college they are getting for their PG. And I believe it is more prevalent in institutions like mine. Somehow the environment here forces us to develop this mindset of ultra-competitive ambitious madness that does more harm than good.

Hmmm ... but it’s not fair to blame the environment. It’s our conception after all. We have created our own demons. And keep in mind, there’s nothing derogatory about being competitive. If it suits you, then go ahead, enjoy it. If someone loves studying more than anything else, then I’m sure he/she had a blast in last five years, and will continue to relish the experience.

Very good point :-). To each his own. And I am not being derogatory towards anyone. What I am trying to convey is that the external milieu in excellent institutions can sometimes be suffocating and painful for a person. I am afraid it can change a person, making him less creative. I was talking to a friend of mine who performed brilliantly in the PG entrance and when I asked her how she did it, she candidly replied, “My insecurity. I was so afraid of being left behind that I kept pushing my limits.”

Very true and very bleak. I guess we are totally forgetting about the war while trying to win each and every battle. And I think many of us still do not know what the war is. We each have our own “war”, our own priorities. We will have to find those first, we will have to understand what we want.

Let’s find our own war. ;-)

Small Talk

2010-05-24T00:01:00.000+05:30

You look attractive.

(smiles) Thank You!

How do you manage it?

(blushes)

No, I mean how do you manage to know people?

I'm sorry?

Don't you think people behave with you with a veil hanging in front; projecting a personality other than the true one?

@#$%^&

And can you really tell whether I'm really into this abstract conversation or I'm just trying to impress you?

(smiles)

Well, the day you can figure that out, you'll understand why I had this conversation with you.

Umm... okay.

And by the way, you really do look attractive :-). Good night.

Alive

2010-05-17T00:01:00.002+05:30

Are you really alive? I mean, really really alive? It's simple. Take this test and find out. Just listen to this and close your eyes. Think about someone you love. And then, if you can feel something within you, congratulations!

Your Hand In Mine

Abdication

2010-05-10T00:01:00.045+05:30

So, how's your boyfriend?

We broke up.

Why? Did he leave you?

No, I left him.

But you liked him, didn't you?

Yes, but he kept hurting me, and I couldn't take it anymore.

I don't understand. Do you mind explaining?

He is not the person I dream my partner to be. He is very very different from what I expect in my boyfriend.

Wait wait, you know him since five years. Didn't you think about it while saying "yes" to him?

Yes, but I thought things will work out for good.

So you're telling me you started this relationship on the premise that you'll change him to be a person who he is not? And when that hope died, you are walking out?

I don't know.

Hmmm, I guess I don't want to know.

Ambient

2010-05-03T00:01:00.002+05:30

If you are the type who listen to music while doing anything and everything, stop reading right here. You already know what I'm gonna say.

Rest of you, please continue.

When you are studying or you need to concentrate, music with regular patterns or beats will distract you, because your brain will try to analyze the pattern and will keep looking for its repetition. But there is a kind of music, where beats and patterns are not strictly adhered to. Its beauty is in its randomness. Soothing, silky, refreshing. For example, try this -

1-1, Music for Airports, by Brian Eno

Alone

2010-04-26T00:01:00.004+05:30

In the ring I see unkept promise
In wrinkles on my bed, glee.
In you, (I see) me -
everything I am, and I'll ever be.

3 : Is Love Worth It? (The Radiohead Way)

2010-04-19T00:01:00.001+05:30

One:
You love her. You know she doesn't feel exactly the same way about you. You know you might get hurt. You know this is not healthy. But you still love her. Because for you, she's the one. She's the only one. Sometimes, an absolution is all you need.

"I am the next act waiting in the wings
I am an animal trapped in your hot car
I am all the days that you choose to ignore

You are all I need
You are all I need
I am in the middle of your picture
Lying in the reeds

I am a moth who just wants to share your light
I'm just an insect trying to get out of the night
I only stick with you because there are no others

You are all I need
You are all I need
I am in the middle of your picture
Lying in the reeds"

Two:
You can't take this anymore. You want this to work, but it's just too painful. You wish you were more stronger, you wish you were bulletproof...

"Limb by limb and tooth by tooth,
Tearing up inside of me,
Every day, every hour, just wish that I...
Was bulletproof

Wax me, mould me,
Heat the pins and stab them in,
You have turned me into this, just wish that it...
Was bulletproof
Was bulletproof"

Three:
You look at her fake smile. You see her fake life. You realize the false emotions. You feel pity for her. You want to turn and run. You wish you could be like her, you wish you could be the way she wants, but deep down, you know you can't.

"Her green plastic watering can
For her fake Chinese rubber plant
In the fake plastic earth.
That she bought from a rubber man
In a town full of rubber plans
To get rid of itself.
...
She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love.
But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run
...
And if I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted
All the time, all the time.
Oh, oh."

What is Normal?

2010-04-12T00:01:00.006+05:30

How do you define Normal? Is it the average/most common of everything that's there? That might work for medical conditions. But for art? Can you draw a clear line? In fact, if you can, then that's a shame.

The problem with popular movies or music is that sometimes they condition us badly, making us unable to accept different styles of creativity. Recent backlash against a certain Bollywood movie LSD comes to mind. Appreciation of varied forms of art is particularly deficient in the field of Cinema. I mean, there are so many types of painting, sculpturing, music etc. that are well received - from cave-drawings to digital imagery, from bas-relief to sand-sculptures, from Gregorian monophonic chants to modern hip-hop music.

But when it comes to movies, we get uncomfortable very easily. We don't go to a theater willing to be surprised. With movies, the expectation of normalcy overpowers the joy of discovering something new.

I remember someone criticizing art-movie followers with the accusation that they'll appreciate even a scene of someone farting in a bathtub with allegories like "it's a symbolic representation of freedom, with the air bubbles rising up in the water". Jokes apart, I believe movies will continue to be more and more diverse. Compared to other mediums of art, it is comparatively new. As it becomes older and mature, we will appreciate it better.

Before I end this post, I must mention a very unconventional movie I watched last month. It's called Paper Heart. (I think it won the Best Screenplay Award at Sundance). Try it.

Science Killed Santa Claus

2010-04-05T00:01:00.030+05:30

Do you ever feel that childhood was the best time of your life? I remember walking in to a toy store and picking up something without any particular reason. I remember the unexplainable spontaneity. Do you?

You seem disoriented.

Yep. I was up till 3 in the morning. A batch-mate was trying to convince me to date another friend of her. She was telling me how her friend is a wonderful person (which I'm sure she is) and why I should give it a chance, why I should try to know her first. Obviously I politely refused, but that's not the reason I'm discussing it with you.

Hmmm... OK. Continue.

We do so many things in our life after weighing pros and cons: which career to choose, which vehicle to buy, what business to invest in etc... Fortunately, there's love. I want to be able to love someone without considering how wonderful she is or how beneficial she will be for me. I want to be able to love someone without thinking what I'm gonna get in return. I want to be able to say - I did something because I felt an urge deep within myself. I want to be able to say - today, there is magic in this world. Today, there's magic in my life.

I agree. But a happy ending is not always possible. More often than not, you don't end up with the person you love.

I think we are missing a step here. When we are expecting him/her to love us back, we are only considering how strong and passionate our feelings are. We feel it should be equally reciprocated. If you remove that from the equation, there is nothing to be disappointed about.

Yes, I believe we'll appreciate our irrational emotions better when we stop to consider "ending up together" as a must-have outcome.

So are we agreeing on this?

Yes, we are. :-)

Primer :
A day before this conversation, on a strangely cool summer evening, my college crush tried to convince me to go out with another friend of her. The discussion continued well past midnight, and we gradually learned how differently we look at infatuation, love and everything in between. Tangled between a mixture of irony, playfulness and bitter aftertaste; I ended up knowing myself better. And I realized, physics makes rainbows less magical. What a pity!

3 : Stories

2010-03-29T00:01:00.015+05:30

If real life stories interest you, then you must try these three amazing podcasts. You'll love them.

One:
The Moth

Real people come up on stage and tell their stories. Without notes, completely spontaneous. Usually funny. Always memorable. The stories are around ten minutes long, nice for a coffee-break when you are alone :-)
(link)

Two:
This American Life

Don't go by the name. It's like The Moth, only longer. Usually each episode has three to four stories or anecdotes, all sharing a common theme. Not all episodes are good, but when you find few nice ones, you'll know what I mean.
(link)

Three:
A Point of View

This is slightly more philosophical than the other two, but it's equally enjoyable. Ten minutes in duration, so there you go. And if you manage to get the Clive James episodes, jackpot!
(link)

P.S. I don't know how many of you actually listen to podcasts, but I sincerely hope you'll give it a try after this post. You are missing out on some great stuff that's out there.

Look at me

2010-03-22T00:01:00.010+05:30

If I have to choose one powerful scene, just one, out of the entire Harry Potter series, it'd be Snape's last conversation with Harry.

With a difficult childhood and no real friends,he was always ridiculed, even misunderstood by the person he loves the most (Lily) - and yet he survived - to endure pain for others, to put his life in danger in saving what's left of Lily, to protect her son (Harry). And when he is dying, he asks Harry to look at him - so that he can see in those eyes - Lily's eyes. To freeze forever in his memory that beautiful picture, which he longed for his entire life. Suddenly death is not so unpleasant anymore.

Snape, eternally unfortunate. Snape, unacknowledged hero.

Explanations and Updates

2010-03-15T23:34:00.000+05:30

As a few of you noticed, I was absent from the blogging scene for about a month or so.I was busy. Lots of things happened in last few weeks.

I finished my MBBS degree at KEM Hospital. And I managed to get into M.S. (Master of Surgery) Orthopedics course in the same institute.

Sorry for my absence. Regular posts will be back next Monday onwards.

Arrested Development

2010-02-15T21:28:00.001+05:30

Do you love jokes?

Q. What were forty-thousand policemen in Maharashtra doing when terrorists were planning to destroy German Bakery?

A. They had to guard our movie theaters from being destroyed by our own country-men.

The Thinking Man - Eight - Inventing Horta

2010-02-08T00:01:00.000+05:30

We all love carbon (speaking for all the carbon-based lifeforms that we are).

Its ability to form long chains and rings, to reach a level of complexity that allows self-replication... it's brilliant.

If you ever pick up a periodic table and look right below carbon, you will find - yep, Silicon. I guess you all now know where is this leading to. They (Carbon and Silicon) belong to the same group, are similar (both having half-filled outer shell with four electrons) and are relatively abundant in the universe.

So, silicon as a basis of life is not an absurd dream.

Ironically, we just might "invent" sentient robots (they are silicon-based in a way, aren't they :-) ) before we can actually "discover" silicon based lifeforms in the universe.

And no, that geek in the basement doesn't count.(There's a difference between silicon-based and silicon-addiccted).

Just somethink to think about... have a nice week.

Hope

2010-01-29T20:44:00.001+05:30

In an unknown location outside the solar system, a spaceship is standing still. The engine has stopped working since 27 “earth-years”. It’s a small modular vehicle, with only one crew member. He is browsing through his journal. A random page opens up.

“It just won’t start! I’ve tried everything. System Reboot, Debugging, Mechanical Cleaning… I’ve even kicked the engine thrice (okay, may be that part was not advised in the manual)."

He smiles and opens another page.

“I don’t need to worry. The algae-farm on top deck is good enough to provide food and water for another 150 years. My solar panels are working efficiently, so power is not a problem. It’s just that it’s so lonely out here. Radio and decoder are working just fine, but I’ve been unable to contact anyone. I don’t know, may be there’s an ion storm going on. So lonely.”

Another page opens.

“I received my first signal. Wow! I’m so happy. I don’t need to be rescued. I’ve got everything I need. I just want to talk to somebody. I just want to know that there’s somebody out there. I don’t want to be alone.

Oh, wait, I’ve to transfer the recording to the decoder.

Bummer. It’s so disappointing. After decoding I realized that it was nothing but the very signal I sent out few months ago. :-( "

*****

Thousands of miles away, on a planet called Earth, a girl is sitting in a cafeteria. She sees a friend walk in. She has a crush on him since her school days.

The waitress arrives with her coffee. She asks her for a piece of paper.

*****

In that small spaceship, a person his browsing through his journal.

“Okay, this has to stop. Five times. Yes, I’ve been receiving signals and getting excited – only to realize later that it’s nothing but my own message reflected back.”

The radio starts beeping. He puts away his journal and walks up to the decoder. He picks it up and closes his eyes. He then smashes it to the floor. The radio continues to beep, but the message can no longer be decoded. A smile breaks on his face. He types into his journal – “I’m not lonely anymore.”

*****

The girl in cafeteria finds a piece of paper. She scribbles on it “Will you go out with me? :-) "

She folds the paper and looks at the boy. The boy looks back. She starts stretching her hand out, holding the paper – and then, she stops, crumples the paper into a ball and throws it into a dustbin. She looks back at her coffee. The boy starts reading a magazine.

*****

Five miles away, in a studio apartment, a poet writes on his pad “Reality is harsh.”

All Things South

2010-01-25T00:01:00.001+05:30

It was just an ordinary day. As I entered my room, my room-mate screamed at me - "You asshole!"

I replied (thoughtfully) - "Well, I'm not an asshole. But yes, technically it is a part of me."

And then we burst into a fit of laughter that lasted for fifteen minutes or so (at least long enough for him to forget why he was mad at me).

P.S. I don't know why I am posting this. Seriously. :-)
Well, may be this will save your life someday.

To All My Readers

2010-01-18T00:01:00.001+05:30

Thank You!!!

The Thinking Man - Seven - The Information Paradox

2010-01-11T00:01:00.002+05:30

One would assume the most intelligent species (man, that is) will tend to resolve its conflicts when provided with in-depth-explanation, information etc. But actually, the exact opposite happens.

In part four of this series, we discussed how human mind only looks for positive examples matching with his belief and subconsciously ignores cross-checking the contradicting examples. In fact, when presented with a mix of evidences (both for and against), we selectively ignores the "against" arguments.

There was an interesting experiment in which 24 supporter and 24 opponents of the death penalty were initially given a short article about capital punishment. Then, they were given a much more detailed descriptions on death penalty. Their views became significantly more polarized after reading the detailed information despite of the fact that the evidences for and agianst were equal. It's because they selectively held on to portions that supported their viewpoint and discarded anything that countered it.

So more information need not always mean more clarity, and often, it's the reverse.

3 : Love (The Damien Rice Way)

2010-01-04T00:01:00.002+05:30

One:
You are this practical, no-nonsense person. You don't believe in love. But it happened. You met that girl and it started. You are the cannonball that learned to fly.
But now it's over. The dream is gone. And after all these years, suddenly you can't hold yourself together.

"There’s still a little bit of your taste
in my mouth
There’s still a little bit of you laced
with my doubt
It’s still a little hard to say
what's going on

There’s still a little bit of your ghost
your witness
There’s still a little bit of your face
I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
That I can´t say what´s going on
...
it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball"

Two:
You have been into many relationships in your life. You have seen the depth of abyss, you know how futile love can be. You know what reality is, but she doesn't. She's too young emotionally. Innocent.

"Don't hold yourself like that
cause You'll hurt your knees
well I kissed your mouth, and back
But that's all I need
Don't build your world around
Volcanoes melt you down

And What I am to you is not real
What I am to you, you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for the sea..."

Three:
You two tried to make things work. But it broke apart. And both of you are trying to move on. But still there's is this feeling that lingers on. You're with your new partners but thinking about each other. And asking each other, "Is that alright?"

"Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I'd do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you
It's the wrong time
For somebody new
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse

Is that alright?
...
Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I'd do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be cheating on you
It's the wrong time
She's pulling me through
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse

Is that alright?
No..."

P.S. My all time favourite Damien Rice song is Accidental Babies, but that's just too special to be mentioned here. And frankly, I don't have the words to explain that... teardrops and wine glass might help... who knows.

Don't Explain

2009-12-28T00:01:00.003+05:30

Tell me a story

Heard about Ondine's Curse?

Let me think... not sure. Go ahead.

How about a guy who is afraid he will forget how to love if he ever stops doing it. Despite all the pain, misunderstandings and heartbreaks, he keeps doing it.

Wait, that's not Ondine's Curse! I think it's about a guy who'll stop breathing if he forgets to inhale.

I know. But what if, for this guy, it's the same as breathing?

I see. I think he did die in the original story, didn't he?

This guy will die too, someday.

Isn't it sad? I mean, death?

Well, Death can be generous.
Death gave Heathcliff what Life couldn't give him.

Hmmm... Byronic Hero?

Byronic? Guess so. Hero? Don't know.

It May Not Be There Tomorrow

2009-12-21T00:01:00.016+05:30

Baby steps
Smell of a just opened book
First kiss
Christmas trees
That girl you saw in the bookshop (mgeek)

That friendship you cherish
The CD Player
The coral reef you might not have seen, yet
The bengal tiger
That cheerful patient in the medicine ward (The Tragic Life of Pi)

Curiosity
Residual enthusiasm
Prick of the conscience
Longing to be acknowledged
Reason to live; reason to not die
I, myself (Ketan)

Youth
Youthfulness
Dal makhani in the college canteen
Eyesight
The chance to learn a musical instrument
College life
Pimple (Anonymous)

Opportunity to be careless
Long hours of sleep
Passing comments at girls on street (yep!)
Making the college department clerk feel as god :)
Regret of not revising that important topic before exam. (manjiT)

All of us being in the same city/country
The silly problems that I bug you with
My hair (seriously :o.....I am going ~gasp~ BALD!)
Our day job description being simply to get a list of people to puncture and then to proceed with the same.
The opportunity to fall in love with exceedingly unsuitable people (Deeksha)

A road to walk along
A place to belong
The time to pause and ponder
The freedom to sometimes just wonder
The innocence to believe
The curiosity to question
The zeal to find the answer
The courage to face what u find... (Jester)

Today (joylife)

A good night's sleep.
Coffee with mom and dad.
Paper books.
Acknowledgment.
Random times.
Frivolous, unrestrained thought.
The will to live. (Anty)

P.S.What abt you?

The Thinking Man - Six - Audiobooks, Hitler and Coexistence.

2009-12-14T00:01:00.010+05:30

"I hope you meet people who have a different point of view." In his last letter, Benjamin Button wished that for his daughter. I am lucky in this regard. I have few batchmates who unknowingly help me in in that.

This time, it was the New Moon releasing season, and I wanted to finish Twilight Saga (all the four books) before the movie came out. And as it turned out, every discussion that followed somehow ended in one of my friend reminding me (with a derogatory sneer) that I did not read the books, I just listened to the audiobooks.

That (the derogatory sneer :-) ) made me sit down and think on this issue.

To say it in one line, I think the battle between Audiobooks vs printed books is retarded. Starting it means you are accepting that they both can't co-exist. It's like choosing sides when you can actually have a good time enjoying both of them. On a rainy day, I would love to curl up in my bed holding a hard-bound novel. Similarly, on a weekday I would love to while away my commute time listening to a funny story. Wine tests good, no doubt, but I still love my muffins equally. And I wouldn't wanna live without either one of them.

I can outline three kinds of people who would like to indulge in this argument. First, the stupid ignorant ones. I sympathize with them, and hope they regenerate some neurons quickly. Second, the aspiring geeks, who worship audiobooks (everything new and upcoming, to be frank), just to be different. Fortunately, they rarely come out of their basement, so I don't have to face them.

The third kind is the most irritating. These are the pretentious, non tech-savvy people who have a strong intolerance for anything non-traditional. Which is fine. Nobody cares if they believe that the ideal way to read a book is to do it reclining on the arm-chair with a cigar in one's mouth. The problem starts when they start criticizing others who don't follow them. My advice - stay way from these non-adapting dinosaurs.

And then there are the smart guys, who benefit from both the mediums. They love the smell of an old book on a lazy day, and they wonder at the convenience of audiobooks while travelling in the metro.

Coming to more deeper questions, why do human beings start comparing things? And more than that, why do we end up thinking our choices to be better than others?
Hitler thought Aryan was the best race, a university professor thinks basic science is the best possible human engagement, a friend of mine thinks Manchester United is the best football club.

And if you think of it, there are really no tangible benefits of such convictions. My batchmate is not going to win an oratory award for his hate for audiobooks, nor my other friend is getting the Golden ball. So this preference for praising everything we own/do and hating everything we can't own/do is bound to be something more than evolutionary/survival based (since there are no actual benefits involved).

And which raises the question - Are we hard-wired to look down upon everything we can't have or everything that we don't do? Is this the ultimate subconscious rationalization?

P.S. Audiobook is a 2000 Million Dollar industry. The author is a fan of both print and audio-books, and continues to use both the mediums amply.

The Confession Of My Eyes

2009-12-07T00:01:00.007+05:30

This is a wall of loneliness,
And I've been both sides;
Once crushed and rejected,
Opposite the next time...

I thought it would hurt less,
Alas, it was otherwise.
Doesn't matter which side you stand,
You have to pay the price.

This is a gulp of emptiness,
And I've drank it twice.
First time, she held the glass to my lips,
This time, the confession of my eyes...

P.S. Story of someone with two unrequited love stories - totally different ones, yet so similar...

The Truth Is So So Simple

2009-11-30T00:01:00.005+05:30

Forget flying cars and ridiculous dressing sense. I'm serious here.

I think the best science fiction is not something that only makes you think about technology, future or killer robots. I don't have a perfect answer, but I guess it's very close to something that makes you sit down and wonder - something that encourages you to unlearn all the restrictions in your thought process - something that inspires you to admire the human mind.

Sure, Douglas Adams will always have a special place... but there are still better and inconspicuous stuff around.
One such gem is "Man From Earth". A story which took its author almost his whole lifetime to complete - and is sure to carve out a special niche in your heart for years to come. I recommend you to watch the movie, I'm not going to spoil it here.

Extraordinary story.
Do you really know what you know, do you really want what you want?
The gift of life, the fear of death..
Or is it the reverse?
Go figure...

Kid A

2009-11-23T00:01:00.010+05:30

I happen to have a very very interesting friend (We'll call her 'B') and we often end up having totally weird texting conversations. This happened few days back -

B :
I'm so unlucky. Me and him sit together in a tiny room again. The difference now is that I don't smile at him, don't make eye contact, don't even say hi and bye; let alone chat. He responds by reading aloud from a book. I hate people from this college. I hate this college. I hate men who don't care about me. I hate caring about them:-(

I :
Welcome to the real world. You are requested to take off the rose-tinted glasses and put them in the box labelled "Not For Everyone"...:-)

B :
:-( Thank you! Cabin crew of Real World airlines ('we grow you UP!').
PS-Violence not allowed?

I :
Violence? The self-inflicted ones? Reminds me of Iris (when you bleed just to know you're alive).
Are u that numb, sitting with him?

B :
I am sorry I did not mean anything that profound. Violence = jumping into his lap and causing orthopaedic eventualities. Poetic.

I :
Didn't we just discuss "Growing Up" 5 minutes ago?
:-)

P.S. This post is a tribute to my collection of thousands of messages, hundreds of conversations, which got erased recently.

Last Words

2009-11-16T00:01:00.002+05:30

Winter is coming, so let's do a piece on last words.

1. Rheya ended her life clutching firmly in her palm - a torn page from a book - a poem by Dylan Thomas. It's the one she had read together with Chris - the man she loved. The poem is her message to Chris, for her it's the best suicide note than can ever be. And it reads -

"And death shall have no dominion.
Dead men naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost, love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion."

(Rheya is a character in the movie Solaris)

2. A 76 year old man muttered a few sentences in German just before midnight and fell asleep... to never wake up again. Sadly the nurse, who was the only person present there, did not understand German. And
thus the last words of the modern world's greatest scientist were lost forever.

" "
(He was Albert Einstein)

P.S. You are invited to add more via comments... :-)

Quick Update : Feelin' Groovy

2009-11-12T02:03:00.002+05:30

If anyone is wondering why I've suddenly disappeared from the blogging scene - this is the reason. Got this yesterday, and it's awesome. Will be back on Monday, as usual :-)

The Thinking Man - Five - True Lies

2009-11-09T00:01:00.004+05:30

As you reach home after a tiring day, she hugs you and whispers, "I missed you...". You reply, "I know."

You are having a nice dinner in a posh restaurant. The waiter praises your expensive suit, just loud enough for the lady to hear.

She is holding your hand as you lay wounded on the asphalt road. And you stammer, "I am fine. It's gonna be alright."

I often wonder - What would mankind do without lies, especially the sweet little harmless ones?
Although I would hate to be lied to; the alternative is much worse. Try imagine that...

And so I end this post, with a strange feeling of belonging to (probably) the only species in universe that can't live without its lies.

Suicide Note

2009-11-02T00:01:00.004+05:30

I may fall asleep,
It's late already.
But it's okay,
You don't have to hurry.

Just come,
lie down with me.
You know
where I am sleeping...

If I wake up,
You holding me tight;
I'll believe,
we had the whole night.

I've fallen asleep,
It's late already.
But it's okay,
I know you're sorry...

The Gift

2009-10-26T00:01:00.007+05:30

A dad gifted his daughter a list when she turned 18. A list of 100 songs that he wanted her to listen to. The daughter liked it, but never really thought much of it. Until she was in her fifties. Until she had lost her father. But then one day, she did open it. And she realized how beautiful it was. It was more than a list; it was like her dad has given her a part of himself.

The daughter was Rosanne Cash, a Country/Indie Rock singer-songwriter. She went through the list and chose twelve songs. She sang them again, recorded them.

It's a beautiful album, named "The List". You'll enjoy it. I know I did.

My personal favorite is "Sea of Heartbreak" featuring the romantic voice of Bruce Springsteen alongside Rosanne Cash.

"...The sea of heartbreak
Lost love and loneliness
Memories of your caress
So divine, how I wish
You were mine, again my dear
I'm on this sea of tears
Sea of heartbreak..."

P.S. Yes, you guessed it right. Her dad is the legendary Johnny Cash.

933k pr1d3

2009-10-19T00:01:00.012+05:30

I was about to write one about women (and thus spend an eternity defining them), but saved myself at the last minute.

Geeks are simpler. They are strange(I'm sure you'd agree), necessary for earth to function (you might agree), adorable (ok, I'm know I'm all alone in this one)... :-)

So let's define them. I'm starting the game here, you can chip in via comments -

1. One who gets philosophical about the paradox of clicking START to turn off his computer.

2. One who remembers his girlfriend's IP adress to avoid the DNS server.

3. Who sits up at the mention of Halo 3. (-Lemon Girl)

4. Would much rather be explaining proxies and firewalls than giving out his facebook status. ;-) (-Lemon Girl)

5. One who thinks a 500 page book on programming language qualifies as light reading. (-Tangled up in blue...)

6. One who'll laugh his head off at this joke.
"There are 10 types of people in the world, the ones who understand the binary system, and those who dont."(-Tangled up in blue...)

7. One who gets jokes about Schrodinger's cat.(-Sherry Wasandi)

8. One who always insists on choosing "tails". :) Need I explain the scientific justification? (-Sherry Wasandi)

9. One who mulls over the finer points of the The Dining-Philosopher's Problem and attempts to apply similar theories to everyday life. (-Sherry Wasandi)

10. One who gets busy finding a virus in a pr0n movie. (-manjiT)

11. One who's more interested in the physiology of an orgasm rather than having one himself !! (-ab.gp)

12. A bright young man turned inward, poorly socialized, who felt so little kinship with his own planet that he routinely traveled to the ones invented by his favorite authors, who thought of that secret, dreamy place his computer took him to as cyberspace—somewhere exciting, a place more real than his own life, a land he could conquer, not a drab teenager's room in his parents' house. (-Anushree V.)

Queer

2009-10-12T00:01:00.000+05:30

You go out with her for a movie. You notice she's looking a bit funny with that extra amount of make-up. Normally you would have laughed at it. But now you like it. You like it because she has done it for you, you like it because you know she wants to look good, for you. Silly, but cute...

You share popcorn. You're sitting to her right. The whole time, she eats with her left hand. Usually you'd find that odd. But now you love it. You know she's doing it because she has her right arm around you...

Life is queer. Go explore...

The Thinking Man - Four - Occam's Razor

2009-10-05T01:05:00.000+05:30

This week I have an experiment for you. You can try this on your friends. Here it goes:

1. Give your friends a set of three numbers (say 3, 6 and 9).

2. Tell them that the set of numbers follows a rule.

3. They will have to figure out the rule by the end of experiment.

4. Your friends are allowed to formulate a hypothetical rule. They can test their hypothesis by forming another triplet with the same rule and asking you whether their triplet fits in to the ACTUAL rule.

5. You are allowed to say Yes or No to the triplets generated by your friends.

6. When they are sure that they have discovered the rule, they must announce it.

Alright, here begins the fun.

While the actual rule here is as simple as "A sequence of any three ascending numbers", most of your friends will take great pain to find it - and will often come up with rules much more complex. Most of your friends will ONLY check positive examples (i.e. triplets confirming to their hypothesis) and irrationally avoid checking for examples that goes against their predicted hypothesis.

For example, if someone has assumed the rule to be "each number is three greater than the previous one", he will check 4, 7,10; 8,11,14; 128,131,134 etc; but he will never ask you about 4,5,6.(If he did, he would actually come to know that his complex hypothesis is wrong and in turn, he will discover the true rule). But we human beings tend to avoid doing that subconsciously, we only look for positive examples matching with our belief.

So, in effect, we often miss the simplest explanation.

Hmmm... reminds me of the age old argument - "God exists. God created the Universe" vs. "The Universe exists".

Marathi Manoos Loves Maharashtra

2009-09-28T00:01:00.005+05:30

We all know it. A certain new-in-the-field-attention-seeking politician, his thousands of followers, a dozen roughed up cab drivers and millions of god-fearing quasi-patriotic souls searching their identity, they all know it – Marathi manoos loves Maharashtra.

But let’s digress. Let’s indulge DC Comics Fans and “day-dreamers” – let’s talk about an alternate universe. An alternate universe where Marathi manoos hates Maharashtra. What will he do?

Here are my guesses:

He will first target Mumbai. He knows it’s a beautiful city, an ecosystem in itself – where everything (well, most of the things) is (are) talent-driven. If you can dream it, you can achieve it. Hope, Ambition, Possibilities.
So Mumbai will definitely be a top target. Instead of allowing a healthy competition to improve everyone’s standard, he will burn buses, beat up people from other states, vandalize shops, obstruct roads etc. And he will demand quota for Marathi people (to worsen the already pathetic reservation system of India). Mind you, most of them will not take up the very jobs they are fighting for, they have their psychological barriers… but I digress.

Next he will target education. Instead of accepting the lacunae of substandard state-board syllabus, he will put in extra efforts to promote it. I still remember how a certain highly positioned official justified plans for scrapping MH-CET, citing the reason that “students from CBSE and ICSE boards perform well in MH-CET”. It’s actually more disgusting than funny. How about improving your standard of education?

Finally he (our alternate universe Marathi manoos) will target the social harmony. Even a 14 year old school kid will tell you how South American civilizations were collapsing even before Europeans invaded them. They were busy fighting among each other. Hardly any exchange of knowledge or technology, minimal improvement in medicine and weaponry… you get the picture. And most importantly, they didn’t trust each other.
So yes, he will attack the social harmony. He will create negative vibe, preventing productive exchanges with people from other states. At the same time, he will promote internal divides by organizing exclusive functions for “Patils”, “Shindes” etc. In the end, Mumbai and Maharashtra will no longer be a center for art, culture or hope…

OK. Come back to reality. In our real universe, things are different. Here,
1. The Marathi manoos loves himself.
2. The Marathi manoos loves Maharashtra.

Wait a minute; I’m not so sure about the second point ;-)

EDIT:
Thanks to all of you for your comments. Your views make this post complete.

According to some of you, I may deserve the adjectives - "dumb, insensitive and outsider". But sometimes it takes a simplistic,no-nonsense, emotion-less and outsider viewpoint to see things clearly.

Anyways, this post is not about me. It's not about you either. It has a far better aim.

I don't need Freudian theories to convince you that "we, as a mass, as a mob" tend to be much more irrational than we would prefer to be. And past 60 years are proof of how things can go wrong when we let politicians play the "Divide and Rule" card.

If reading this post has made you think about this sad issue, even for at least five minutes, then this "dumb,insensitive outsider" is happy that his post achieved its purpose. Thank You.

In The End

2009-09-21T00:01:00.007+05:30

There is something special about the ending lines of movies... they linger on in your mind... they strike a cord deep inside you.
I have many favourites, but the best would be the one from Malena.

1. "I pedaled as fast as I could... as if I were escaping from longing, from innocence, from her. Time has passed, and I have loved many women. And as they've held me close... and asked if I will remember them I've said, "Yes, I will remember you." But the only one I've never forgotten is the one who never asked... Malena."

2. "Endings have a way of happening when you need them to but to reduce the guilt, they will make it look completely unplanned." (from "The End" - Anty)

3. "Dear Leonard. To look life in the face, always, to look life in the face and to know it for what it is. At last to know it, to love it for what it is, and then, to put it away.Leonard, always the years between us, always the years. Always the love. Always the hours." (from "The Hours" - Tangled up in blue...)

4. "Lets fold scarves." (from "Romy and Michele's High School Reunion" - Deeksha)

5. "I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship." (from "Casablanca" - Tangled up in blue...)

What about you? Post it in the comments...

The Thinking Man - Three - No, It's not Forty-two

2009-09-14T00:01:00.003+05:30

One:
Have you ever dipped your hand into a flowing river and tried to understand the feeling it generates in your mind? Now compare it with a solid rock or a gush of wind. We somehow attach a sense of solidness to matter, when in reality, even the densest piece of object is actually vastly empty (think of a small nucleus and vast empty space all around).

Two:
Look at that bottle of champagne resting in the bucket. You feel - it's so steady, still, motionless... but actually molecules are dancing in fast moving Brownian motion in it. And the same is true for the atoms and subatomic particles making up the bottle.

Three:
We find it perfectly easy to understand Newtonian Laws but when it comes to understanding Space-Time curves or Relativity, things stop making sense.
We have talked about intelligence, thought process and our mysterious brain - previously in this blog.

Now let's discuss why we think the way we think.
To the cave-man in prehistoric times, feeling a stone as solid would be much more important than understanding atomic motion. To survive, he must know how to kill a poisonous snake.Similarly, champagne bottles have not yet been reported to walk out of the ice-bucket (excluding excuses given by alcohol-addicts), so our brain perceiving it as motionless is perfectly reasonable.And finally, in our daily life, we don't have to ponder over the path travelled by light rays around a massive star, so our brain is not so accustomed to understand space-time curves.

Now that raises the question - Has human brain evolved in a particular way to allow most optimal and productive existence on earth? And the bigger question - Does the previous assumption suggest that our brain is limited in some sectors of reasoning and intelligence, which might prevent us from understanding the universe completely?

Can we break out of the chains? Or are we constitutionally incabale of discovering the ultimate answer?(Douglas Adams fanboys, I can see you are already grinning :-) )

P.S. Inspiration for this post is a lecture by Richard Dawkins (Thanks to "TUIB" for sending me the link)

Blank II

2009-09-07T00:01:00.003+05:30

This is a Blank Post.

Zero Kelvin,

Earth-Moon Lagrangian Point,

My Heart,

Vacuum.

Rain that never came,

Pain that never went.

Zero Kelvin,

Earth-Moon Lagrangian Point,

Your Heart?

Vacuum.

End notes:

Zero Kelvin : The temperature at which all atoms and molecules stop vibrating.

Earth-Moon Lagrangian Point : The point where gravity of earth and moon cancel out each other.

Wristcutters

2009-08-31T00:01:00.001+05:30

"I think she cried at my funeral. I don't mean to brag about it or anything, but I'm pretty sure she did. Sometimes I can picture her talking about me to some guy she feels really close to... About how we never actually got a chance..."

When a movie starts like this (with a guy cleaning his room, slashing his wrist and sinking in to the bathtub - while the narration plays in background), you know it's not your typical love story movie.

Picture this - after you commit suicide, you go to a world full of people, who have all willfully said goodbye to earth - and in this industrial sub-urb you have to get on with life, find love, get what you missed and may be, try to understand yourself - try to understand what you want.
Beautifully directed by Goran Dukic, who does full justice to the original short story, this is a bitter-sweet 90 minutes of dry humour, witty dialogue and deep introspection. And it's a sweet love story.

This much of detail is enough. Go grab this when you can.

'til Kingdom Come

2009-08-24T00:01:00.001+05:30

"For you I've waited all these years...
For you I'd wait, 'til kingdom come
Until my days, my days are done..."

Just discovered this beautiful song ('til Kingdom Come) - about someone waiting for his love, telling her how much she means to him. Thought I'd share it with you.

(P.S. It's a hidden track in Coldplay's album X&Y)

Standing at The Gate

2009-08-17T13:08:00.002+05:30

There was a japanese movie( don't remember the name) in which all the characters are actually dead persons; standing at the gate to heaven, waiting for the entry. The gatekeeper comes and informs them that after passing through this gate all their memories will be erased except only one. And then they all start thinking which was their happiest memory on earth that they would like to carry along...I dont know whether the movie did well, but the idea is great!

So, here I start this discussion. What is that "modified arrangement of synapses and circuits stored in ur temporal lobe"( ok! that stands for memory) you'd never like to part with?

1. Hope (Tangled up in blue...)
"...it was the sight of my mother coming home, stepping out of the car and smiling in the sunshine, after spending eleven agonising days in the ICU of Sion Hospital..I remember how I felt then..lucky, happy, worried for her, and my heart so full of love I cud feel it overflowing in my eyes..Not really a happy memory..but a very vivid one that I associate with hope.."

2. Innocence (Abhi)
"...That one memory would be Holding my little sister in my arms after she was born . man i cant tell you the emotional jumble i was in . From excitement of a playmate to apprehension of divided attention . . . I was a mess . . . and now id give anything to hold that 10 inch bundle of joy than deal with the 61 inch head butting karate kid she is now !"

3. Freedom (Rene Lacoste)
"...I boarded a local train on my fourth day in this city-my fourth day living away from home.

I was anonymous. No one knew me. No one paid attention to what I was doing. That day, I truly understood what freedom meant. Everyone abuses the trains here. I kinda like them. More than the air-conditioned intra/inter-state ones which have different "classes" and shit."

(P.S. I originally posted this in an Orkut Community discussion long time back)

The Thinking Man - Two - Plato's Cave

2009-08-10T00:01:00.003+05:30

Our frame of reference affects our observation, our measurements. But does it affect our thoughts too?

Imagine, a group of prisoners locked up in a cave, with their body chained so tight that they can't turn their head - they sit in that cave their whole life (starting from birth). They have a huge fire lit up behind their back (they can't see it) and somebody keeps moving puppets so that shadows are formed on the opposite wall (which they can see).
So, these bunch of people spend their entire life watching those shadows, naming them, living with them. Now think, won't they believe these shadows to be real (and not an illusion)? I guess, some of them will even go to the extent of analysing these shadows - to understand their nature, to formulate laws explaining their movement and pattern.
And what if, after many years, you allow them to come out into open? How will they react to the 'real' world? Will they feel it to be a reflection of their original (shadow) world?
We 'think' based on what we see. And when we stop limiting ourselves to that, we will be open to much higher understanding of nature, and our existence...

(If you want more: read "The Allegory of the Cave" in Book VII of Plato's masterwork, The Republic)

P.S. Einstein said: "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."

Für Elise

2009-08-03T16:33:00.003+05:30

'Bagatelle in A Minor, poco moto' doesn't sound romantic. It shouldn't (except to those who know what it actually is).

I guess that's why Beethoven named it 'For Elise' (originally Für Elise). I have mentioned about his failed love life previously in this blog, so let's not go down that path again.

Today, let's just grab this song (which Beethoven dedicated to his sweetheart) and enjoy it.

And if u can feel the pain midway through the piece; mate, you are not alone.

Blank

2009-07-27T16:29:00.003+05:30

This is a blank post...

It will appear here once in a while - with the purpose to remind myself (and my fellow bloggers)... - that Blogging is not an addiction of non-stop self-affirmation... - that there is life beyond posts, comments and blogrolls... - and that there can be Mondays without a new post here on Blogus Innominata...

This is a blank post...

Life's Not Fair

2009-07-20T16:23:00.002+05:30

1. A day's only 24 hours.

2. Nintendo sells more than Sony.

3. There are very few movie theatres near college.(-by Ani)

4. Our canteen is pathetic.(-by Ani)

5. Medicos have to mug up so much...(-by Arps)

6. Kaushik's life is sad..(-by Ani)

7. Ani thinks my life's sad :-(

(You are welcome to add to it via comments)

It's Not Necessary

2009-07-13T16:25:00.003+05:30

No, it's not necessary.

There need not always be a failure, a loser.

Unrequited love stories don't always have to conclude with someone getting labelled as a write-off.

Agreed,the guy failed to get the girl. But remember, it's the girl who failed to be happy... who failed to love. (or vice-versa)

And after millions of years on earth - we humans still find it too difficult - to love...

No, it's not necessary. There need not always be a failure. (But if you must, then) with every failed relationship, mankind fails a bit...

Is it that hard (to love)?

Basics

2009-07-06T16:22:00.001+05:30

There was a dumb guy.

He believed Asia is nearer to reach sailing westward across atlantic than the usual trade route through east. And his estimation of circumference of earth was only - wait for it (drumrolls) - 15,000 kilometers shorter :-)

Most dumb guys wouldn't get in to trouble for that. But this guy was leading the spanish marine expedition.

In his time, there were smarter people too. They knew the correct circumference of earth (it's no big deal, it's known since 200 BC). These smart people were advisers to the ruler. They made our dumb guy the Great Admiral of the Ocean and promised him governership & a portion of revenue of all the land he discovers.

Because they knew this guy. Because they knew he would never return. No one can. It's impossible in 15th century to sail non-stop from Europe to Asia westwards. You will run out of food & fresh water and die slowly but certainly.

And even if u try to turn back midway & return home - you will have to sail for many months against the wind...

Deus Ex Machina:

But our guy had one trick up his sleeve. He had discovered the trade winds. He knew how to use myriad wind patterns of ocean to brave the waters of atlantic & return home. And he knew how to sail against winds - by a technique called Beating.

He didn't discover Asia. But he started the great New World colonisation. He led four daring & successful voyages across the atlantic.

Yes, he was Christopher Columbus.

And he knew this - In the end, you can be wrong about earth's circumference, but you should know how to get back home.

46 Chromosomes

2009-07-02T00:49:00.001+05:30

Originally Posted on 15th June 2009

Have you ever wondered why human beings have 46 chromosomes? I mean, what are the advantages and disadvantages of having many chromosomes... Comments are welcome (except 'Douglas Adams-inspired' ones) :-)

EDIT:
1. Too few chromosomes will have too little information (- by Tangled up in blue...)
Nice point, but in fact a large amount of human DNA consists of non-coding regions. If availability of space for genes was a concern, genes would have been much more concentrated.

2. Gorillas have 48 but they're not necessarily more difficult to build than we are.. (- by Tangled up in blue...)
Right. We can't assume more chromosomes = more evolved. Ferns have more than 1200 chromosomes.

3. I think the main aim is to reproduce, and to survive until at least reproduction succeeds. (- by Sambhavi)
Hmmm...yeah. But how 46 fits into that?

4. The real answer to this question may not have a very scientific touch (- by Anirudh)
Ani, (to quote Tillman), If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. :)

5. Maybe, its because they have 1200 chromosomes (in ferns), any mutation probably hits the non-coding region (- by Sambhavi)
Brilliant. Sounds logical. Spacing out genes could help that way.

6. a) if all the DNA were to be packed into single chromosome, it'd be impossible for the regulatory factors reach the appropriate sites.
b) segmentation of genome (genome divided into multiple segments called chromosomes) would allow for far more numerous sites of crossing over
c) plant genetics is somehow very weird! (- by Ketan)
a) Yes indeed.
b) Bravo!
c) Yes. Plants are far more resistant to genetic errors. That's the reason plants can possess so many chromosomes. They are usually not affected by 'ploidy' errors.
Ketan, plants do have more genes than humans (e.g 40000 in Rice vs 25-30000 in us). But new studies show that many of them are duplicated genes. Hmmm... probably an area that needs more research.

Money and Beauty

2009-06-29T12:51:00.000+05:30

Why does a guy scorn at the idea of girls loving him for his money? He should be at least proud of the fact that he is being assessed by something which he has earned himself; compared to the beauty (genetically endowed) which he looks for while choosing girlfriend...)

Fans of True Love... Don't hate-mail me... I am not the guy in the question here. :-)

Open Up

2009-06-22T12:50:00.000+05:30

Now that almost every published newspaper/magazine in this world has assumed the great responsibility of dedicating some space in it - to arm young single souls with tips and tricks for wooing a soul mate - I was destined to read a few.

One particular 'tip' was to 'be a man' - be strong, control your emotions, stay calm etc.
I disagree.

If I want to spend my life with someone, I would really really want her support when I am down.
So while looking for that special person, I will go ahead - open my heart - show her my weak side, my vulnerabilities - and see how she responds.

Risky, but worth a try...

Doctor, heal thyself!

2009-06-09T18:55:00.003+05:30

People, who beat up taxi drivers just because they are from other states, have no right to protest when their countrymen get a dose of their own medicine abroad.

When you yourself can't love your own people, don't expect Australians to do so...

An Empty Frame

2009-06-08T12:47:00.000+05:30

People often say, a picture is always better than a video - it leaves much to your imagination... and that's why, it is more emotionally moving than a video.

Let's go one step ahead.

How would it be like - to hang an empty frame in your living room - allowing your mind to paint what it wants at any particular time - your empty frame - your ethereal ever-changing memories and thoughts.

Nothing Lasts

2009-06-01T19:31:00.001+05:30

A wrist watch can be such an inspiring tool. At least I felt so yesterday (and still do). It was a holiday. I was gloomy for last few days (some related to work, some related to unplesant discoveries). I was lying lazily on my bed, failing to decide whether I am ready for a new day. I looked at my wrist watch (which I rarely put on, but somehow I did it that day). I tried saying aloud "12 seconds and 10 minutes past 12" - and before I could finish - It was no longer "12 seconds and 10 minutes past 12"...
and I realised...Nothing Lasts.

And I want to live every moment fully...

Close Your Eyes

2009-05-25T19:28:00.001+05:30

I don't like watching movie in a theatre.

Try this sometime.
When you finish watching a nice movie - and the credits start rolling - just sit where you are sitting - close your eyes - listen to the soundtrack playing - and enjoy the thoughts that come into your mind.

Now you wont like watching movie in a theatre.

EDIT:
Response to Comments -
It's pretty hard to sit back and enjoy the moment - when everyone to your right and left, front and back is trying to get out of the hall as if it's gonna blow...

Just as a smile is not 7 seconds of facial contraction, a Movie is not just 120 minutes of moving images...

The Difficult Path

2009-05-18T14:35:00.001+05:30

Itzhak Perlman once said -
"The problem really is the difficulty of playing the violin. It's very very difficult. It's
very difficult; and you can tell the difficulty because - How long does it take a beginner,
average beginner, to make a decent sound on the violin and how long does it take an average
beginner to make a decent sound on the Piano?
No comparison. You know, you play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on the Piano right away. It
will sound decent. You can't do that on the violin, unless you are some sort of genius."

I, after playing violin for almost a year and a half, couldn't agree more. You have no guide
except your ear - there are no white and black keys like piano, no frets like guitar... you
listen what you are playing to know whether you are correct or wrong.
My teacher tells me it will take six to seven years on an average to play some decent
musical compositions.

Some of my friends wonder - why I should make an effort to find time out of my carrier in
medicine to pursue learning violin - which can be very frustrating and tiresome at times. I
don't know the answer. But time and again, I find a violin piece so mesmerising that I am
left spellbound... and seven years seem like a very short time.

La Vie En Rose by Helmut Zacharias is one such gem.

The Red, The Blue and The Higher Red

2009-05-11T14:34:00.001+05:30

Pick up any musical instrument and play a note. Now play another note an octave higher or an octave lower. Did you notice the similarity in the sound? A 440 Hz "A" sounds similar to an 880 Hz "A" (an octave higher) and a 220 Hz "A" (An octave lower).

Human ear can respond to a wide range of frequencies (20 - 20,000 Hz), and that's why we have so many octaves.

Have you ever wondered what if a similar phenomenon happened with vision? Unfortunately, in a sense, our visible spectrum is much more limited. There is no doubling of frequencies possible within the range. The lowest frequency that the human eye can see is 400 terahertz (the Red) and the highest frequency is 790 terahertz (the Violet). There's no "Red like color" which we can see at 800 terahertz (the double of 400 terahertz - the visual counterpart of an octave) - because we simply don't have the receptors for it.

There are some species (e.g. bees, birds), which can "see" infra-red and ultra-violet rays. Do they experience the octave phenomenon? I don't know; but I guess that'll be an interesting research.

Thinking more pragmatically, is it a good thing that we have a limited range of vision? Is it nature's way of preventing us from seeing both Red and the Higher Red (if it exists, hypothetically)? It could be so - to avoid confusion - as vision is surely an important sense for Survival.

Minimising range also will make it easier to develop more intricate circuits and neural connections where more focus could be given to visual acuity than colour vision. Consider this - to a prehistoric man guarding his group, ability to see a moving beast in the distance is much more important than appreciating the colour of its tail!

And rightly so, human eye has more area devoted to see rapid movements in periphery of visual field, more receptors to see in dim light - than receptors for admiring someone's blue iris...

Remember the bees we talked about, whom nature has provided with ability to see UV light - they help them in finding nectar - they get their food, and plants get their pollination. And in birds, the ability helps in finding sexual partner for propagation of species.

Our special senses are interesting processes. Comments are welcome.

Are you a nobody too?

2009-05-04T14:31:00.001+05:30

What is the best kind of art?
Is it the most expensive painting?... the most appreciated composition?... the most performed opera?... or the most published poetry?

No. None of them can match the beauty of a work created absolutely without the thought of publication, sale, fame, appreciation... a work of art made just for the sake of the very beauty of art.

Two names that come up in my mind are American poet Emily Dickinson and Dutch post-impressionist painter Vincent van Gogh (will post about him soon).

Barring a few (less than a dozen), Dickinson's vast collection of poems (nearly two thousand in number) was never published in her lifetime. It was only after her death - when her younger sister discovered the cache - they came to light.

A recluse by nature, she wrote brilliant pieces without any want for admiration (that she fairly deserved). And in that way, she was free from the contemporary literary rules and restraints - she didn't have to care about expectations of critics - she wrote solely what her heart wanted to express - and created these timeless verses...

I felt my life with both my hands
To see if it was there-
I held my spirit to the Glass,
To prove it possibler-
(From Poem "#351")

Heart, we will forget him,
You and I, tonight!
You must forget the warmth he gave,
I will forget the light.

When you have done pray tell me,
Then I, my thoughts, will dim.
Haste! ‘lest while you’re lagging
I may remember him!
(From Poem #XIII, LIFE)

Man is hard-wired to crave for appreciation from others - he stacked skulls in stone ages to show others how many men he has killed - he does this now with his luxury sedan and overpriced jacket; he wrote praise-poems in past to please the king - now he injects item songs into his movies to please the mass.

Man never changed.

But may be you can. And then you will create something pure and beautiful. So go ahead, throw those "skulls" away - and realise the joy of being a nobody.

Let me end this post with another gem from Dickinson...

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us -- don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.
(From Poem #I, LIFE)

Scrödinger's Cat and My Puppy Love : It's not an animal story

2009-05-04T09:58:00.001+05:30

24TH APRIL 2008

For those who are not aware of the famous thought experiment or just simply hate quantum mechanics too much ("When I hear of Schrödinger's cat, I reach for my gun" - Stephen Hawking), here's the basic dope -

A cat is enclosed in a chamber with adequate apparatus to kill the cat when a certain subatomic particle attains a certain definite state. For example, let's say the chamber has a nucleus which when decaying, will release some radiation, which in turn will be detected by a Geiger counter in the chamber. That will trigger some explosive device or release some poisonous gas which will kill the cat (My sincere apology to all animal lovers out there).

What's so special about this experiment is that it links subatomic physics with real world results. The size at which quantum mechanics cease to be important is an eternal debate in itself, so let's not go into that.

Now, whether the cat is alive or dead depends upon the subatomic particle which sincerely obeys quantum physics. Quantum physics allows superposition of states, which is basically a linear combination of all the possible states. So at a particular time, the cat may be both dead & alive!!!

According to the Copenhagen Interpretation, the superposition changes into a definite state when an observation is carried out (called as collapse). which means, when the observer opens the box, a definite state is reached with either dead cat or alive cat. There are also Objective collapse theories, which propose that the superposition changes into a definitive state as a function of time, mass etc. (i.e. it is independent of observation. In this case, as and when the nucleus decays, a definite state is reached, even if nobody opens the box). We also have "Many world explanation" which says, whenever the box is opened the universe divides into two, one with the observer/decayed nucleus/dead cat and another with observer/undecayed nucleus/alive cat (Both the universes will be decoherent to each other, so observer in first universe will have no idea/knowledge/impression about the observer in the second universe. For one, the cat will be always dead and for the other, the cat will be always alive).

Now where do I fit in? Let's say I have a huge crush on a batch mate, X. Till the time I have not proposed/asked her out, my love story is in a superposition of states (She loves me, she loves me not). I dream about her, enjoy my life. Now I try to do a Copenhagen Interpretation, and open the box (ask her out). I may get a live cat, but there's a 50% chance of having a dead cat too. If the Many worlds theory is to be true, in one universe I will be enjoying company of X but in another universe I will be lying depressed and rejected. Had the two universes been coherent, the 'I' in the second universe would at least have been happy knowing that that the 'I' in the first universe has succeeded in his love, but that won't happen (as the two universes become decoherent the moment the observation is undertaken). Even in the Objective Collapse theory, according to which the cat has died even before the box is opened (i.e. X has come to know of my crush and rejected me even before I asked), I will still be happy not opening the box and hence not knowing the bad news.

So the best bet is to let the cat stay in the box and throw in a bottle of milk,if you may.

Wish me luck (for my superpositioned love story!)

UPDATE (4TH MAY 2009) :
I did open the box a few weeks back - and as I feared, the cat was dead :(

Music : It's not what you hear

2009-04-07T12:48:00.002+05:30

I like Mozart's music better than Beethoven's. (I like Chopin even more, but that's off-topic). But I don't know why, my heart aches for Beethoven. Agreed, Mozart wrote his first symphony at the age of 8, and he composed more music in his life of 31 years than many of his contemporaries, but Beethoven's achievements are by no means smaller (materially and symbolically).

What I particularly like is the adversity against which Beethoven fought and succeeded - traumatic childhood, responsibility of entire family at age of 12 and a disabling hearing loss. If that wasn't enough, he failed in love (many times over), was labelled a misanthrope and considered insane by many.

The fact that he wrote his best works (including all nine symphonies) AFTER he developed his hearing loss tells us about the personal struggle he went through. He wrote his most joyful pieces when he was maximally depressed. He found solace in his music; he fought against the irony of nature in his own way...

And that brings up the question - What is Music?
Is it what we hear or is it the thing that moves us from within? When Beethoven was loosing his contact with reality (in terms of sounds of real world - the sounds of his surroundings - due to his deafness), he was imagining more and more... His music was no longer limited, it has become free.

And Beethoven's brilliant compositions are the best proof there can be - Music is much more than what we hear...

Innocence Lost

2009-02-23T20:09:00.006+05:30

15 August, Independence Day, 1994

A group of small kids are marching down a dusty road in a small village. Yes, I was one of them. One hand waving the National Flag, the other punching the air… I was shouting the slogan, “Bharat Mata ki Jai”. That was a time when I believed (or was made to believe) that India is the best country, that the prime minister is the most intelligent person and that there’s a rabbit in the moon...
That was a time when becoming a doctor to help the sick or dying as a soldier fighting for my country didn’t feel like ridiculous ideas. How naïve… I was seven years old.

Back to Present, 2009

I am fighting for my right to education!
Fifty percent of seats are reserved for anyone who can manage to get a caste certificate. The rest are open for those who can pay Rs. 5,00,000 to the government. And if someone can’t do either, he is forced to discontinue his education.

Few days back I was discussing with Anirudh (a friend) about how India has become a great place to live – its progress, diversity, freedom and everything.
Now I am solely concerned about convincing myself to give our entire family savings to the government and then earning it back in the years to come.

Disillusioned in my pursuit to learn, I have lost my innocence…

Photo Credits : Debanjan Sen

Scrapping PG-CET and MH-CET: The End of Reason

2009-02-19T01:11:00.003+05:30

Ok, this is in response to the news that MH-CET and PG-CET are going to be scrapped soon...

If you can’t win the game, change the rules.

In a daily, DNA (18 Feb 2009), W.B.Tayade, The Director of Directorate of Medical Education justifies his proposal to scrap CETs like this (and I quote),”The ICSE/CBSE board’s curriculum is much better than our state board, and this helps them pass the CET exam easily”.
Wow! I am impressed with you, Mr.Tayade. I mean, who else has the guts, to accept in a single sentence - your state board’s failure and your shameless desire to dumb down the bar of selection. I am sorry, but has ever the idea of improving the standard of state board crossed your mind? Or is that against your principle of “Do No Good”?

Butter Chicken makes you an Astronaut!

And please don’t start with the argument regarding less representation of rural students among entrance exam achievers. Everyone who has landed on moon is a non-vegetarian and if any one in this country really believes coaching classes are “the factor” behind city-bred scoring over rural counterparts, I guess he also assumes eating chicken will make him an astronaut! It is highly important than the planners of this country look beyond confounding factors while interpreting the data. You must also consider the abundance of schools in cities, the standard of urban education, the population concentration and the differing parental economical-educational component responsible. I am from a rural area, I have had 12 years of my education there and I am no pro-urban fan boy. But I strongly believe – If there’s one factor that should determine entry in to professional courses, it should be merit, assessed objectively.
If you want to help rural students, great, but do it by elevating the quality of primary education, reducing school drop-out rates, improving education related infrastructure. If you want to see more rural students in professional courses, make them prepared for it. Let them earn it with dignity and pride.

Examiner is God!

There’s news about PG-CET also being replaced by Final year marks. Not a single person who has appeared for MBBS Final exam will disagree with me, when I say that it is the most unpredictable and unfair exam one could ever face. Are we going to judge whether a candidate deserves a seat in PG by his luck to get a good case or a forgiving examiner? In addition, subjective exams will lead to serious inter-regional variations, limiting the very freedom the centralized entrance tests were designed to provide. I am a citizen of India, and I want to be able to compete for any university in India (and to be assessed objectively, fairly and transparently for that).
Even an average objective assessment is better than complete absence of objectivity. As far as the problem of guess work is concerned, far simpler solutions exist –
1) Make questions with One-Word answers
2) Introduce negative marking

When it gets boring, change it…

Great bodies conducting exams like TOEFL and GRE test individual questions in a blinded manner (They give one extra question, unknown to the candidate, in the exam paper. This is not included in student’s assessment but researched upon to determine whether it truly matches with student’s ability and in turn, whether it can be utilized in future as a proper exam question.)
The least we can learn from them is not to change our exam patterns in a blink of eye, based on whimsical impulses. Change just for the sake of change is never justified…

About Mings and Moon

2009-02-12T22:10:00.003+05:30

(If your attention span is less than the duration of an average TV commercial, you will be bored…)

Though it is true that China has always had a more or less constant territorial asset throughout the history, that doesn’t mean the Chinese civilisation hasn’t seen phases of expansion. While the European civilisations were expanding their territories rapidly in the classical period (perhaps the greatest example would be The Roman Empire); China wasn’t lagging behind either. In fact due to the expanding landmass, the then Chinese government actually had to take the initiative relocating northern Chinese from the Yellow River region into the south and vice versa (to develop population loyalty amid the diverse ethnic and linguistic picture) as a tool of integration.

However, we are not talking about expansion here (at least that’s not the issue of importance).

Towards the end of Post-classical period (500 AD – 1450 AD) Ming Dynasty assumed power in China and supported a series of huge expeditions, that took troops, goods, and political and cultural representatives from China through sea to Southeast Asia and Africa. These expeditions lasted for 30 years and were successful in bringing Chinese connections and in establishing a new Chinese presence in many distant places. The trade supported the thriving Chinese manufacturing culture and led to a prosperous economic growth.

Unfortunately the expeditions ended in 1433 by decision of the emperor. A new Ming emperor had just assumed crown and possibly wanted to be pictured as a different ruler than the previous ones. Equally likely is the assertion that this was necessary to divert money to build costly monumental tombs for the Ming emperors and establish a new Ming capital city at Beijing (Yes, you guessed it right; this was the time when the Forbidden City construction began).

What will follow is the Renaissance and Industrial revolution in Western Europe and ironically, China will eventually succumb to “expedition-colonisation-imperialism” by the European forces. But more importantly it will harm the flourishing economy of China. It won’t be an exaggeration to say that if China had continued the expeditions it would have had its own Industrial Revolution.

Why this article? Because India is now at a similar footstep. Intercontinental travel in 14th century was not any easier than Moon mission of present times. Both are risky and expensive in their respective time periods. Sure, the marine expeditions had more immediate benefits; but then, I guess we are more intelligent now to understand long-term gains.

Moon has enough Helium-3 (a key fuel for fusion reaction) to produce energy sufficient to cater the entire world for 8000 years. According to the assessment by the chief of “Chang’e Project” (China’s lunar expedition project); three space shuttle missions each year could bring enough helium-3 to last entire global energy need.

So we have to make a decision. We can invest our wealth and knowledge to build Ayodhya Temple, statues of Shivaji, gold plating for idols etc. Or we can stop cribbing about Chandrayaan and see the long term benefits. There are reports of sea voyages in 13th century which never returned. But had our ancestors chickened out, we would still be living in dark ages.

Of course, I know that Fusion reactions are not yet fully controlled. But we didn’t have Fission reactors 60 years ago either… It’s just a matter of time and we better be prepared.

Human civilization has had its share of courageous voyages, both to ‘out do’ and rule each other. Now it’s time we take such expeditions again, this time to help each other. And India should not find itself lagging behind in this cosmic voyage due to shackles of short-sighted criticism.

Five things to do before SCD

2009-02-07T20:14:00.012+05:30

As I am about to complete my research project on Sudden Cardiac Death(SCD) after shifting through hundreds of mortuary papers and autopsy reports (It's too morbid to be discussed here), here's a post on a lighter note.

One thing that I have realised during last one year is that death can at times be very unexpected and quick. So If I were to recommend Five things to do before shaking hands with the Grim Reaper, I would choose these...

1. Listen to Romance (The Gadfly) by Shostakovich

Probably the most soothing violin piece ever created...

2. Play Half-Life 2

They say Half-Life games don't have much of a story. Huh, show me a game with a more intricately told story than HL-2! Add to that great physics, revolutionary graphics and impeccable art direction, and you have got yourself a gem. The best game I ever played.

3. Watch Waking Life

Richard Linklater's 2002 masterpiece that many of you might not be aware of. Pardoned. But to ignore after hearing about it here - Not acceptable. From its technologically distinctive beauty of Rotoscopic animation to its philosophical depth spanning Taoism, Existentialism, Postmodernism etc..., it is a must watch for every intelligent movie aficionado.

4. Read The Old Man and the Sea

One of the most famous works of Hemingway, said to be the factor behind his Nobel in Literature, this is a great novella.

5. Learn to laugh at yourself

If you haven't achieved it yet, probably you are better off having a sudden cardiac death :-) LOL

Marriage Mirage

2009-01-31T23:33:00.006+05:30

While I won't go to the extent of supporting Philip Kilbride's (an American anthropologist) view that Polygamy is the solution to most of our social ills related to marriage and subsequent divorce; I do view marriage with a tinge of scepticism (or skepticism, to please the "American" anthropologist :-P ).

I have always doubted the necessity/value of marriage for union of two individuals and I have serious concerns about the impact it will have on personal freedom and creativity. Plus there is the frequent observation regarding changing behavioural patterns between pre- and post-marriage and its implications, leading to mismatched expectations among partners and eventual disharmony.

However, my recent vacation with family changed it a bit. Even 23 years after their marriage, I still find every interaction between my parents filled to brim with love, affection and care. Sure, there must have been many untold sacrifices, a sigh or two, but I guess in the end they have gained much more than what they have lost.

And I guess my notion on the subject of marriage is in a phase of transformation.

P.S. Sorry for my absence. Final exams are over and I am back from my vacation, so posts will be more frequent now.

Colors

2008-10-11T00:13:00.004+05:30

Loving someone who has had a past relationship... you won't have fights over color of window-screens. Is that a good or a bad thing?

EDIT (in response to Sambhavi's comment) : In other words, is it better to have a more mature relationship with someone who has been there, done it (all those stupid sweet nothings...)... where you don't have pillow-fights over small things... or do you prefer a relationship with all its spontaneity and unpredictability...

A Quick Update : Mixed Bag

2008-08-17T19:10:00.006+05:30

Exams are near, so posts are going to be less often. I thought I should give you a quick update about things going on and what to expect...

Playing "Reset Generation" on N-gage - It's addictive!!!
Found an app called "Bookr", so now I can enjoy reading my huge e-books collection on the PSP.

I have been watching some Romanian flicks recently, they are brilliant! (Will post soon abt them)

Will post The Ladder of Happiness : Part 2 as soon as exams are over (around 3rd week of September)

Bye. :-)

The Ladder of Happines : Part 1

2008-08-08T20:11:00.006+05:30

(This is in response to a post by Anirudh, The Road Ahead)

The post by Anirudh, throwing light on options after doing MBBS, touched upon very fundamental issues like choosing to leave/stay in your country, choice of career vs choice of place to live etc.

While I am not entirely supportive/antagonistic of the views, here are a few of my thoughts :

1. Should my hobby also be my job? Or to broaden it a little, is it guaranteed that you will love your job just because it is related to what interests you.
"...If you love genetics and end up with psychology just because you want to go to the US, you have probably made a bad decision..."

I doubt that.
First of all, when a topic/activity/field interests me, it is usually the exciting aspects of the field and not the boring mundane things that are also there.
Allow me to explain by example.
I love playing chess. I love how 32 pieces dance along in 64 squares, so easy to learn them, so difficult to master the game. I could spend my weekends doing that for years. But given an option, will I make it my career? I don't think so. I would have to memorize chess openings (starting from Andersson's opening to King's Indian Defense, and their variations), while playing any match, instead of enjoying my game I would be thinking about the safest way to earn as much as possible or the fastest way to amass ELO rating. Sure I would have lots of money and fame, but I would lose what discovering a new trick in a rainy weekend with my chessboard gives me.

So is the case with music/research/computers etc.

You may argue that everything as two sides to it and I should focus on the positive/fun aspects. Well, then by corollary, the fields that you don't like (according to your present perception) will still have interesting hidden sides.

So I am really not convinced that one MUST always choose his/her career ONLY based on what his present interests are to GUARANTEE a happy life.

Let's not always walk the road most travelled...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(More on this and leaving/staying in country in the next post)

Nirvana : Now comes in a portable size!

2008-08-08T19:46:00.000+05:30

I got myself a Sony PSP recently. I guess that is a very justifiable reason for my long absence on Blogger :-P

The Thinking Man - One - Extra-terrestrial Intelligence

2008-06-22T01:48:00.005+05:30

What would extra-terrestrial intelligence be like? The way our brain is developed, assuming evolution did happen from amoeba to man, it must reflect somehow the struggle for survival deep down, if not in our everyday thought process. Assuming it grew from simple to complex as species evolved, it should have some modular organization (Which we now know it actually has - neocortex for higher thinking, subcortical areas for less cognitive and more basic functions etc.)

What if Intelligence is not something absolute? What if it is defined by the way the source of intelligence (here, the brain) has evolved? That it is independent of life as we understand it. Can we deny the possibility of a sentient intelligence without comparing it with a living evolving species? Can it equal our perception of God?

I feel human mind is very afraid to ponder over abstract ideas (let’s save the dominant left-brain discussion for some other post). That’s why though we believe in supreme intelligence, we personalize it to Krishna, Jesus etc, to relate it within limits we can pretend to understand. That’s why we find it so difficult to comprehend relativity, imaginary numbers etc. Is it because our brain is hard-wired differently, handicapped to understand these territories?
We plan for our food, money, comforts. We make decisions everyday as intelligent beings, with always having some motive behind it. Even altruistic choices make us feel good,so that’s a motive too. My question - are intelligence and motive dependent on each other? Is our intelligence the way it is because of our motives (both instantaneous and those from turn of evolution aka the primitive instincts)?

If we assume man encounters some extraterrestrial intelligence (not necessarily a living alien) how will the interaction be. For communication, we need some amount of intelligence. But will both the intelligence be compatible with each other (Assuming my argument of intelligence being intertwined with motives, structural organization and evolution)? Will it be friendly (defining that is another problem), will it have motives…

I guess this post raised more questions than it answered. Well, I am not a scientist and these thoughts are product of my random musings in a particularly sleepless night...

P.S. I watched Solaris the other day, and it has a nice portrayal of man’s encounter with other-worldly free-form intelligence.

Who am I?

2008-05-11T01:19:00.008+05:30

MAY 2008 AD :
The teacher is jabbering away... I am lost in my desperate effort to catch some word so that I can continue understanding from there on. Suddenly something happens. I stop my stupid effort and look around... Thirty of us are packed in a small hot humid room, scrabbling away diligently whatever the teacher blurts out. Some rare syndrome, some obsolete test... And I ask myself, is this why I came here, is this why I chose medicine?

249 BC (One year before the Third Buddhist Council was convened) :
No matter how many reasons one puts up for the decline of Buddhism, he can't deny the harm done by the internal factors. I doubt the strict rules (many without proper explanation or logic) ever achieved anything except pain, frustration and disillusion of nirvana among the followers. I remember my literature teacher (he knows the stuff he talks about) telling me, how the bhikkhus were not even permitted to have oil with their food.

10 January 1954 AD :
BOAC Flight 781 crashed killing everyone on board. No reason could be found. Two more identical crashes would occur in the same year before the investigation would be able to discover the cause. When the material used for making the plane is subjected to repeated stress cycles, it will cause serious structural damage even if the amount of stress is significantly less than the maximum tolerable limit of that particular material. They call it Metal Fatigue.

BACK TO MAY 2008 AD :
I wake up from my sleep. The teacher is continuing,"... to get good marks you must say... a low pitched mid diastolic rumbling murmur is heard over mitral area with pre-systolic accentuation of grade IV intensity without any radiation, best heard with the bell of stethoscope in the left lateral position at the height of expiration and after doing mild exrecise. There is no click, spill, rub or murmur over other areas..."

I again start asking myself... Am I a MBBS student sitting in this room? Am I the Buddhist bhikkhu lost in rigorous conventions? Am I the dying religion of 249 BC with shallow rituals nullifying the deep philosophy? Or am I the wing of a BOAC flight, with my ambition to fly free undone by cycles of stress?

In many ways, they all are same...

2008-04-15T22:37:00.001+05:30

While planning a trip to Ooty, came across this in wikitravel

Dosai or dosa - This is India's answer to the French Crepes, though the answer could arguably have been given much before the question was asked.

Rice flour is mixed with an optimum level of water. Finding the optimum level is an art which most of the Indian women are born with.

:-)

Will update this post with more funny stuff...

Accidental Toxicity

2008-04-15T21:14:00.002+05:30

I am having problem with my intonations. D is becoming flat, G is getting sharp. Too many unnecessary accidentals. Though not frustrated (I am already aware violin is very difficult to learn), I was a bit disappointed.

Here's what I got from my teacher and online support groups :
"Perfect intonation is a lifelong process. The longer you play, the better your ear will get. As your ear improves, you'll notice that your intonation could be better. You'll improve your intonation, but your ear will also improve. Repeat ad infinitum."

Infinity... Hmmm, reminds me of Emily Dickinson ("Finite to fail, but infinite to venture.")

Chennai Conference Photos

2008-04-12T21:28:00.002+05:30

Disclaimer: This article is written for entertainment purpose only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. I shall not be liable or responsible for any mental, physical, emotional, financial or limbal damage caused to you by reading this article. Material in this site may contain inaccuracies or typographical errors (If you find some, please consider them as intentional and respect the limitless boundaries of author's freedom). These views may not be what I truly feel about and definitely not what I would testify for in the court of law. This article does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my instituion, my friends, or my pet (which I don't have at the time of writing this disclaimer); don't quote me on that; don't quote me on anything. Please don't sue me (It's a waste of money and time for both you and me). I hereby disclaim any responsibility for the accuracy or entertainment quotient of the article below and/or anything else on this blog, unless it actually has exceeded your expectations and you enjoyed being here.

OK, I promised to upload the conference photos. Here they are:

Day -1 : Saturday 22nd March 2008 : The Journey Begins
Apart from being interrogated by Sonal for my choice of clothings; I can say it was a smooth start

Niranjan The Great came aboard at midnight. He chatted with his parents through a 1.5 * 2 ft window (too afraid to get down); even though the train halted at Pune for 2o minutes...

Day 0 : Sunday 23rd March 2008 : We made it to Chennai
Some interesting views along the journey

We did become a bit shameless... (Shamlessness : Episode One)

And Niranjan decided to explore the Aerodynamics (or whatever) of train by hanging from the door throughout the journey (except when he was busy solving puzzles on his cellphone)

The Best Part : Free Food

Vishaal tries to take a group photo
Try One:
Result : Vishaal, Kaushik, One-eighth of Sonal

Try Two:
Result : Vishaal, Half of Kaushik, One-eighth of Sonal

Try Three:Result : Vishaal, Kaushik, No Sonal

Ahem. Vishaal! Aren't you SUPPOSED to improve with each Try?

Finally, after many similar (or dare I say, slightly worse) tries, we found this cute little kid
And made him click our group photo...

Anyways, We reached Chennai and found the driver. Niranjan Suggested to photograph the driver(just in case we get kidnapped).
I clicked him, though the logic was beyond my neurons.

We got our room... nice(not like pune but good enough)
Niranjan and Vishaal taught me & Sonal abt the intricacies of English Football (And I must admit I felt a little better to finally find someone who knows as little as me)

As if the football lessons weren't enough, Niranjan taught me Tamil at midnight

Day 1 : Monday 24th March 2008 : Bound and GaggedThe coordinator came and announced : You will be bound, hung from ceilings and tortured from 8.30am to 7.30pm everyday till we extract the sap of stimulated genius from you (NOT IN EXACT WORDS).
With only 16 people in the workshop, "The Bunking Theory within a Group" (which we had so virtuously perfected over all these years) was not applicable...

We had learnt, digested and practiced all these stuff they were gonna teach us...
So Sonal planned to solve MCQs (Shamelessness : Episode 2)

And managed to make people think she is announcing some important information regarding the workshop

Day 2 : Tuesday 25th March 2008 : Bored & Frustrated
By this time I had developed some unexplained inflammation of Pharynx and Oral cavity and was surviving on Medicines, Vitamin tablets and Bananas... Especially painful when you see people enjoying good south-indian food in your room...

And with all that, we still had to work out a project in 3 days. So the 7.30 pm finishing time was tacitly erased... I remember people working whole night...

Day 3 : Wednesday 26th March 2008 : Can you pronounce Thiruvallur & Bhakvathsalam?
Finally We got a chance to get out of the campus...And we knew what to do... (Mafia, for the uninitiated)
So we did a small survey on TB patients

I interviewed a schoo-going girl with TB Meningitis. She had a VP Shunt done.

Day 4 : Thursday 27th March 2008 : Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics

Another day crunching numbers, harvesting data and making presentations...

Day 5 : Friday 28th March 2008 : The Strange Larynx
Sonal's larynx went out of tune. Nice source of amusement in an otherwise boring sequence of events.

We presented our projects... I had one on worms, Vishaal on suicide by medical students(he forgot to cite this conference as a cause factor) and Niranjan on HIV (his budget was 1 million US Dollars)And managed to grab some certificates.

We had a tour of TRC in the afternoon.
And I met the most beautiful thing ever made... The Mac

Everyone (except me) went out in evening, I had a nice time enjoying myself alone in empty corridors... :-)

Day 6 : Saturday 29th March 2008 : Sayonara Chennai

Time to leave, our train was scheduled to depart at 7am
I was clicking away photos, unaware that I had left my headphones and books in my room. Ignorance is indeed bliss...

And I dilligenlty clicked the driver (before Niranjan could ask me to do so). I was not ready for one of his strange logical explanations this early in the morning, so thought I should do it anyway...
Before the train left the platform, Somnolence had already engulfed Vishaal & Sonal

Niranjan and I had (atleast we tried to) a conversation ranging from Russian authors to dip-chais
We played some chess too...

They did get up eventually, but to do what?!!! (Shamelessness : Episode Three)

Scenery was not as beautiful as the previous journey.

We played Dumb-Charades till 2 o'clock in night (stopped when people started shouting at us... :-) )Vishaal will never forget Jajantaram Mamantaram in his whole lifetime...

Considering I was playing for the first time, we did play well...

Day 7 : Sunday 30th March 2008 : Back to Bombay

6 o'clock in morning, and we are back in Mumbai...

2008-04-06T18:00:00.001+05:30

We travel, visit new places, we get excited about going to some beach, seeing some monument. And yet, I feel, they are not the things that make you happy. They may not bring those 'Aha!' moments. When I went to Chennai, the happiest moments were so independent of the place I was in or the thing I was doing that they left me startled. They are so few and unique that I can count them. One was on train while we were playing Dumb Charades, the one while filling up our Travelling Allowance forms, and another one an incident that happened while we were solving MCQs in the conference hall.

I think I am beginning to realize, sometimes how futile our attempts to find those joyful moments become. We buy some thing; we go to some place - believing somehow that will make us happy.

Happiness is just so autonomous.

2008-03-28T18:53:00.000+05:30

Today is the last day of the workshop. Friends are out, exploring chennai. I am not feeling well,a bit of body ache and malaise,so decided to stay back...
Was getting bored alone in my room, so I decided to wander in the corridor... noticed the computer room open, so here I am.

After 5 days of hardwork,inflammed mouth and frustration, I feel I could ve easily avoided coming here. But still I feel this was somewhat better than the other timepass stuff that I usually do.

Deep inside I doubt whether I truly deserve being here. ICMR and IIS are spending so much money and resources on me... And I just don't know whether I am what they want me to be.

I think I was lucky to be in a good medical college. I bet there are many people out there who are probably much more interested in doing research but don't have the opportunity to actually do something. They don't get fat fellowships every 3 month,they don't get paid return trips to chennai ... and on lonely evenings, when I sit back and retrospect... I think this conference has taught me a lesson in humility

2008-03-21T00:10:00.000+05:30

Playing my violin with a mute to prevent the strange sounds I produce from spoiling everyone's post-lunch nap. It has left some ugly dark marks on the bridge. May be, someday, I will look at those scars, think back and smile...

2008-03-20T00:01:00.000+05:30

Had a Gynaec & Obs practical exam today. Did lots of shopping today(may be a manifestation of post-exam syndrome).
I feel I have found in myself a great partner to hang out with. Sure, if given a chance to go back to undo things, to save past relationships; I would take it. But somehow I feel now I am my happiest self ever. Enjoying my freedom. Yippeee!

2008-03-15T23:56:00.000+05:30

I finally managed to enter into a state of lucid dreaming today. It was short-lasting but I was able to control it during that period. Curious to explore more.

Unreal

2008-03-11T20:28:00.002+05:30

WARNING: Reading this demented sloppy attempt at poetry may lead to severe episode of self-induced alopecia. You have been warned...

Coward enough,
to not be honest and risk my friendship.

Naive enough,
to not accept reality and stop her worship.

But wise enough,
to argue,
What wrong is illusion,
if it brings bliss.

After all,
What is real anyway?